May 2019, it was painful and I held her hand for one last time just to let go.
Tapi kenapa malam ini, bila aku tutup mata I can see that particular moment flashing before my eyes?
Because I have let you go and set you free, go and find your happiness :)
Kenapa... Tak kira berapa banyak aku menulis, bercerita aku tetap rasa ada benda yang tak lepas daripada hati yang merajuk ini?
Maybe it's because I haven't had any stiff drink for years.
Atau mungkin hati aku dah tua, when it is stuck in one state... Degil.
I am mostly writing when I am lying on my belly now. I am old. This place is old but it didn't grow up with me.
So yeah.
Here I am... Not sure why I am back this time. Maybe I just can't tell how I feel to the people around me.
I think I am safe here. Not that many people know about this place and who I am and I bet she doesn't know about this place.
It's all good.
Looking back at all the things that we went through all the sacrifice made, going against all odds just to be together... Those things made me sad and angry.
You see, we had it all. All the love in the world, we had each other. I used to look at other people and be grateful for having something that others don't.
Until it all got snatched away by anger, ego, circumstances, reactions and things went numb.
How do I explain this... Well words were thrown, I wish I was stronger in enduring all the sharp words thrown at me. Letter became syllables... Spelled... Spoken.
Threats... I don't respond well to them. It triggered something that I had to endure for years in my own house.
It made a man who was full of love with sparkly eyes whenever he sees her...
Eventually felt numb every time he hugged and kissed her forehead.
:(
Is it possible for the heart of two people to get broken at all the same places?
I can only wonder...
Kadang-kadang...
Tak ada perkataan yang will do justice to describe the way you feel atau in this case... The way I feel.
Mistakes were made, stories were told and hearts were broken.
My heart? It perpetually breaks every day thinking of what what would it be like if things didn't happen the way it did.
