The problem with writing here now is, for a moment aku rasa aku nak tulis. Nak curahkan semua benda yang ada dalam kepala yang sarat dengan memori dan kenangan.
Tapi when I started writing, the fucking drive went away.
What the fuck is going on again?
Some years ago at this hour, around this time, I used to be on the phone or texting someone.
We'd talk, laugh and flirt. At one point we even wrote poetries together. I will write a verse and she'll write another verse and so on.
Hidup aku during that time, beautiful. I found someone who can save me from myself and the world and I guess she found the same thing.
But then again, we can't always save each other forever.
That's it for now.
Started trading again but it is hard after 2 years of hiatus.
Re-entered January this year but exited everything sebab aku stress. Benda yang aku buat hari ini mengingatkan aku tentang keadaan aku in 2018-2019, boy that was tough.
I lost a lot of things masa tu. Diri sendiri, cinta. Semua hilang macam debu ditiup angin dan benda tu masih terasa sampai sekarang.
Life is a lot better now compared to a few years back. By a few years bukanlah lama sangat.
I suffered a lot in 2018 and 2019. Barely had enough to survive, it was sad.
I lost a lot of things, money, people, love, myself. Orang yang faham apa yang aku lalui most probably cuma ayah.
