Saturday, 12 July 2014

Hi

Aku balik ke petak pertama. Not something that I fancy but hey, here I am.

Kita mulakan dengan Kafka...

Ok?

Come here








Let me fuck your mind...

Monday, 12 May 2014

April and May in hell

I began reading philosophy and literature at the age of 16. Saat kawan-kawan sekolah sibuk ulangkaji pelajaran, I was busy fucking my brain out with Nietszche, Miller, Kafka and the others. I am lucky that my brain is still intact and of course, I wasn't the brightest bulb in my class. 

When I ended my school days, I had nothing. Aku tak ada keputusan cemerlang yang boleh membelah awan dan mencapai bulan, bintang. Tak ada tawaran masuk universiti jadi aku terpaksa teruskan hidup dengan menjadi pelajar tingkatan 6. But fuck that.  

Okay enough about that, back to literature. Bulan April dan May mengingatkan kepada satu prosa yang ditulis Arthur Rimbaud, a french poet who then became an arms dealer and later died of bone cancer. Looks like all the guns he sold can't save him after all. 

Now where were we?

The prose... A Season in Hell.

Kata Rimbaud "Once if my memory serves me well, my life was a banquet, where every heart revealed itself, where every wine flowed". 

Ini cerita tentang intoksikasi. I mean, you don't have to drink to get drunk, do you? Aku ada dalam keadaan itu. One after another shit, life seems to get me from every angle. Intoksikasi hati yang aku alami dalam setahun yang lepas, it is eating my alive. Makan, makan dan makan tapi masih lapar.  

Ini realiti, people tend to reveal things when they are intoxicated, they reveal themselves. Kamu turunkan tembok-tembok apartheid dan biar orang masuk ke dalam hati kamu. Biarkan mereka lalu lalang, selerakkan emosi dan jika nasib kamu tak baik, they will eat your heart raw and leave you to bleed. 

Aku dalam fasa ini dalam hidup, fasa menjadi manusia biasa. Learning to take the punch and bleed a little, wait for it to heal in the morning. Kalau dulu, mungkin emosi ni pada tahap separa tuhan, kali ni tak lagi. I am not as heartless as I was before. 

Jadi kalau kamu ambil hati seorang manusia dan campakkan ke dalam neraka untuk satu musim?

Mungkin dia akan menangis.

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Fuck...


It hurts.

Post-Traumatic

Bayangkan diri kamu adalah pokok dan semua orang yang ada disekeliling kamu adalah daun-daun. Those leaves are hanging onto you like nobody's business but when the wind comes blowing, they fall. 

Mereka akan tinggalkan kamu, mungkin esok atau lusa, maybe a few minutes from now without you realizing it. 

But hey, who gives a fuck? It is just a tree.