Kamu yang sedang membaca.
Cuba hitung masa kamu membaca, 2 minit? 20 minit? Untuk habiskan semua benda-benda jahat dalam blog ini mungkin 2jam?
Aku nak beritahu satu benda. Sebenarnya semasa kamu sedang membaca, jauh didalam minda bawah sedar kamu ada satu perasaan yang meluap-luap.
Untuk apa?
Pasti mahu tahu?
Untuk berbogel dan buat raindance. Sebab tu hari ni hujan tak berhenti kan?
Monday, 31 January 2011
Saturday, 29 January 2011
Kosmos
Aku sedang berjalan dalam dunia yang luas untuk beberapa ketika. Keluar daripada bulatan kecil, panjat moraliti, turun semua ke estetika... Lama-lama jadi bercelaru.
Dengan kata lain, sebenarnya aku sedang mencari benda baru dalam hidup. Jadi aku akan tulis semula dalam February ok?
Sementara tu kalau kamu nak ambil PMR, SPM dan finals uni... Tolong berhenti membaca dan ulangkaji.
Faham?
Dengan kata lain, sebenarnya aku sedang mencari benda baru dalam hidup. Jadi aku akan tulis semula dalam February ok?
Sementara tu kalau kamu nak ambil PMR, SPM dan finals uni... Tolong berhenti membaca dan ulangkaji.
Faham?
Monday, 24 January 2011
Afraid of Clowns?
Tarik nafas dalam-dalam.
*click
SHIT! Ini blog ke badut?
Budak-budak zaman sekarang.
*click
SHIT! Ini blog ke badut?
Budak-budak zaman sekarang.
Saturday, 22 January 2011
The Art of Writing
Writing is challenging. One false move in orchestrating your words, your writing might cost you your head.
In my case, I like to write things that people would hate, things that bloggers and feminists would hate.
And you would ask me, what's the benefit of doing that?
I don't know about you guys but in my case, when they hate me... That's a solid prove saying that I'm good. I'm the real fucking shit.
Because, obviously they still read what I'm writing here aren't they?
But now I have to watch out for what I wrote might cost me my pen... Yes, pen is.
In my case, I like to write things that people would hate, things that bloggers and feminists would hate.
And you would ask me, what's the benefit of doing that?
I don't know about you guys but in my case, when they hate me... That's a solid prove saying that I'm good. I'm the real fucking shit.
Because, obviously they still read what I'm writing here aren't they?
But now I have to watch out for what I wrote might cost me my pen... Yes, pen is.
No seriously think about it...
You know the whole "Don't drink and drive" slogan?
It's not actually about getting drunk or causing accidents and death or anything, seriously. It's far greater than that.
So "Don't drink and drive, nanti tertumpah".
You don't want your expensive drinks to be wasted just like that do you?
But if you are drinking cheap beers, it's okay. You can just get another bottle.
It's not actually about getting drunk or causing accidents and death or anything, seriously. It's far greater than that.
So "Don't drink and drive, nanti tertumpah".
You don't want your expensive drinks to be wasted just like that do you?
But if you are drinking cheap beers, it's okay. You can just get another bottle.
Friday, 21 January 2011
Belum 3 tahun
Sikit lagi, dalam masa 4 bulan akan jadi 3 tahun. Kalau apa yang aku kira ini betul, penulis blog macam aku tak sekolah tinggi sangat. I'm sure you understand.
Aku takkan ulang dan beritahu bahawa blog ini tak menguntungkan langsung. Seriously, don't become a blog writer unless you are a cute girl or handsome guy who likes to display your pictures with 5 inches of make up.
Badut kamu kata? No, they have thousands of followers. Mana ada beribu-ribu orang nak ikut dan puji badut.
Anyway back to the topic.
I built this shit from scratch. Dari dulu hingga sekarang para pembaca terdiri daripada perempuan, majoriti. Perempuan-perempuan muda yang terdiri daripada isteri orang, remaja dan yang paling membimbangkan pelajar sekolah.
Seriously, I can't really write in soft porn mode anymore which is very disappointing. But then again, maybe I'll be writing soft porn again soon.
Aku tak paksa kamu semua baca apa yang aku tulis, I'll be responsible for my words but in the end you guys and girls are going to be responsible for your action.
Konsep yang sangat mudah untuk kita semua faham.
Sekarang banyak dah berubah dan aku tak akan petik kata-kata orang yang dah mati macam Cicero dan sebagainya macam selalu yang aku buat. I need to retire for a moment from quoting those people so they will become less concern about how I'm going to use their words and blend them in mine.
And now it's 2011, a fresh start for everybody and I am hoping for some changes.
Jadi aku duduk depan computer dan mula mencari blog-blog bagus untuk dibaca. Ya, blog-blog bagus yang boleh buat aku baca tanpa mengelipkan mata.
Tapi yang aku jumpa hanya blog, dengan tulisan warna-warni, gambar dan music auto loaded. Selepas itu lagi gambar-gambar, perkataan yang tidak dieja dengan betul (you know how they spell their fucking words) dan akhir sekali grammar.
Ada beberapa nasihat yang aku perlu berikan, untuk bangsa sendiri.
Please spell your fucking words correctly whether they are in Malay or English.
And please, watch your fucking grammar!
Untuk gambar, tulisan warna-warni dan music auto loaded. Aku tak boleh kata apa-apa kecuali:
That's why you have The PLAIN Melayu for you to read.
Kalau kamu tanya apa terjadi dengan harapan untuk melihat perubahan dalam sfera blog ini? Sebenarnya aku tipu, memang tak ada harapan dari awal untuk semuanya.
I love this blog too much to have any hope for any other blogs out there.
p.s: Harap-harap propaganda ini berjaya untuk tarik pembaca.
Aku takkan ulang dan beritahu bahawa blog ini tak menguntungkan langsung. Seriously, don't become a blog writer unless you are a cute girl or handsome guy who likes to display your pictures with 5 inches of make up.
Badut kamu kata? No, they have thousands of followers. Mana ada beribu-ribu orang nak ikut dan puji badut.
Anyway back to the topic.
I built this shit from scratch. Dari dulu hingga sekarang para pembaca terdiri daripada perempuan, majoriti. Perempuan-perempuan muda yang terdiri daripada isteri orang, remaja dan yang paling membimbangkan pelajar sekolah.
Seriously, I can't really write in soft porn mode anymore which is very disappointing. But then again, maybe I'll be writing soft porn again soon.
Aku tak paksa kamu semua baca apa yang aku tulis, I'll be responsible for my words but in the end you guys and girls are going to be responsible for your action.
Konsep yang sangat mudah untuk kita semua faham.
Sekarang banyak dah berubah dan aku tak akan petik kata-kata orang yang dah mati macam Cicero dan sebagainya macam selalu yang aku buat. I need to retire for a moment from quoting those people so they will become less concern about how I'm going to use their words and blend them in mine.
And now it's 2011, a fresh start for everybody and I am hoping for some changes.
Jadi aku duduk depan computer dan mula mencari blog-blog bagus untuk dibaca. Ya, blog-blog bagus yang boleh buat aku baca tanpa mengelipkan mata.
Tapi yang aku jumpa hanya blog, dengan tulisan warna-warni, gambar dan music auto loaded. Selepas itu lagi gambar-gambar, perkataan yang tidak dieja dengan betul (you know how they spell their fucking words) dan akhir sekali grammar.
Ada beberapa nasihat yang aku perlu berikan, untuk bangsa sendiri.
Please spell your fucking words correctly whether they are in Malay or English.
And please, watch your fucking grammar!
Untuk gambar, tulisan warna-warni dan music auto loaded. Aku tak boleh kata apa-apa kecuali:
That's why you have The PLAIN Melayu for you to read.
Kalau kamu tanya apa terjadi dengan harapan untuk melihat perubahan dalam sfera blog ini? Sebenarnya aku tipu, memang tak ada harapan dari awal untuk semuanya.
I love this blog too much to have any hope for any other blogs out there.
p.s: Harap-harap propaganda ini berjaya untuk tarik pembaca.
Jumaat
Blog ini hampir mencecah usia 3 tahun.
I can say that I grew up with this blog... Dari umur aku 19 hingga sekarang 42 tahun, kamu boleh kira berapa lama kan?
Sepanjang tahun-tahun aku menulis, aku boleh lihat diri sendiri berubah sehingga menjadi apa yang kamu sedang baca hari ini. Walaupun aku tak menulis benda-benda yang semua orang suka baca dan tak ada pengikut beribu-ribu macam blog lain. Aku masih berpuas hati dengan The Plain Melayu hari ini, because I'm still writing what I want and that's all I know what to do.
Aku tak tahu menulis dengan gaya lain atau mungkin tak mahu menulis dengan cara lain. And I'm here not to satisfy anybody other than myself.
After all, I don't have anything to offer other than my plain words and thoughts.
Cuma satu aku tak faham...
Sampai bila aku nak tunggu blog ini untuk bayarkan bills dan benda-benda yang aku perlu, macam INI.
Maybe it is time for me to write a book. Sebab aku dah cakap banyak kali dengan blog jahat ni, I have a fucking lifestyle to support.
Tapi dia tak faham-faham.
I can say that I grew up with this blog... Dari umur aku 19 hingga sekarang 42 tahun, kamu boleh kira berapa lama kan?
Sepanjang tahun-tahun aku menulis, aku boleh lihat diri sendiri berubah sehingga menjadi apa yang kamu sedang baca hari ini. Walaupun aku tak menulis benda-benda yang semua orang suka baca dan tak ada pengikut beribu-ribu macam blog lain. Aku masih berpuas hati dengan The Plain Melayu hari ini, because I'm still writing what I want and that's all I know what to do.
Aku tak tahu menulis dengan gaya lain atau mungkin tak mahu menulis dengan cara lain. And I'm here not to satisfy anybody other than myself.
After all, I don't have anything to offer other than my plain words and thoughts.
Cuma satu aku tak faham...
Sampai bila aku nak tunggu blog ini untuk bayarkan bills dan benda-benda yang aku perlu, macam INI.
Maybe it is time for me to write a book. Sebab aku dah cakap banyak kali dengan blog jahat ni, I have a fucking lifestyle to support.
Tapi dia tak faham-faham.
Thursday, 20 January 2011
Malas
Dan hari ini...
Aku dah tak ada apa nak tulis dalam blog yang jahat ni.
But then again, we know that this is a big lie and I can't fool myself.
Aku dah tak ada apa nak tulis dalam blog yang jahat ni.
But then again, we know that this is a big lie and I can't fool myself.
Wednesday, 19 January 2011
Vocabulary
Language is all about how many words you know.You can't speak if you only know four words in a language can you? Yes, please, no, thank you. How are you going to hit on a girl with only four fucking words right?
Jadi kalau kamu ada lebih banyak perkataan dalam kamus hidup, kamu akan jadi pengguna bahasa yang mungkin sekali jatuh dibawah kategori elegan (elegant).
Ini yang aku ajar budak-budak belasan tahun yang baru tahu kepentingan berbahasa. They need to learn the power of words and how words can turn someone's life around. Bila kata-kata kamu buat orang yang membaca menghantar email mengucapkan terima kasih kerana menjadi inspirasi. Bila kata-kata kamu mampu buat orang senyum, ketawa dan mengalirkan air mata, sekali-sekali terpengaruh dengan emosi marah.
Nothing to be proud of really, just pure satisfaction knowing that what you wrote can really make a change in one's life.
So I taught them about words explaining that there can be more than one word with the same meaning for them to use in life.
Jadi aku beri satu contoh yang paling mudah...
Stupid:
Gave them a few words with the same meaning.
Moron
Nit witted
Imbecile
Dimwitted
Brainless
Doofus (Dufus)
Beef-witted
Dumb
Ignorant
Kenapa aku pilih bodoh? Benda-benda negatif lebih senang untuk kita ingat daripada positif.
Why? Because world is filled with negativity shit and accordingly it's easier to get use to negative things in negative surrounding.
This is also a friendly reminder to the kids that stupidity comes in many forms and it dwells in many people too.
They should also realize that it's time to get out of their state of ignorance.
So they won't end up being the ones who do stupid mistakes.
And of course after reading this, you don't really realize,
that I put a whole big fat sack of fucking innuendo in here.
Happy interpreting!
Jadi kalau kamu ada lebih banyak perkataan dalam kamus hidup, kamu akan jadi pengguna bahasa yang mungkin sekali jatuh dibawah kategori elegan (elegant).
Ini yang aku ajar budak-budak belasan tahun yang baru tahu kepentingan berbahasa. They need to learn the power of words and how words can turn someone's life around. Bila kata-kata kamu buat orang yang membaca menghantar email mengucapkan terima kasih kerana menjadi inspirasi. Bila kata-kata kamu mampu buat orang senyum, ketawa dan mengalirkan air mata, sekali-sekali terpengaruh dengan emosi marah.
Nothing to be proud of really, just pure satisfaction knowing that what you wrote can really make a change in one's life.
So I taught them about words explaining that there can be more than one word with the same meaning for them to use in life.
Jadi aku beri satu contoh yang paling mudah...
Stupid:
Gave them a few words with the same meaning.
Moron
Nit witted
Imbecile
Dimwitted
Brainless
Doofus (Dufus)
Beef-witted
Dumb
Ignorant
Kenapa aku pilih bodoh? Benda-benda negatif lebih senang untuk kita ingat daripada positif.
Why? Because world is filled with negativity shit and accordingly it's easier to get use to negative things in negative surrounding.
This is also a friendly reminder to the kids that stupidity comes in many forms and it dwells in many people too.
They should also realize that it's time to get out of their state of ignorance.
So they won't end up being the ones who do stupid mistakes.
And of course after reading this, you don't really realize,
that I put a whole big fat sack of fucking innuendo in here.
Happy interpreting!
Tuesday, 18 January 2011
Selamat Pagi!
Early start. Melihat pelajar-pelajar universiti sebaya dengan aku bergegas untuk pergi ke kelas dan selesaikan hal masing-masing.
And I can sit back and updating this evil blog while watching some hot girls rushing to do their things.
Ini memang 'selamat pagi'.
Mind fuck
Yeah I can do that.
You better get your brain checked, just in case if it gets pregnant or anything.
Classroom
In class, I am no typical school teacher. I don't teach the way school teachers do. Just to keep the students alive in the class, I have to sometimes talk about stuff.
Jadi tadi aku tanya mereka satu soalan helah (trick question):
"Guys do you think you can buy a girl or a boy with money?"
It's a trick question. Orang paling bodoh dalam dunia pun tahu jawapan untuk soalan ini sudah tentu sebuah "NO" yang besar.
Jadi semua menggelengkan kepala dan kata "No".
Aku tak mahu tanya kenapa, simply because that's time consuming. That will take away my teaching time. Jadi aku senyum dan kata:
"But all the girls can always buy me".
Biasalah budak umur belasan tahun, mana faham apa-apa. Hanya ada dua ekspressi:
1) Stoic
2) Enigmatic
And I laughed a little inside.
Jadi tadi aku tanya mereka satu soalan helah (trick question):
"Guys do you think you can buy a girl or a boy with money?"
It's a trick question. Orang paling bodoh dalam dunia pun tahu jawapan untuk soalan ini sudah tentu sebuah "NO" yang besar.
Jadi semua menggelengkan kepala dan kata "No".
Aku tak mahu tanya kenapa, simply because that's time consuming. That will take away my teaching time. Jadi aku senyum dan kata:
"But all the girls can always buy me".
Biasalah budak umur belasan tahun, mana faham apa-apa. Hanya ada dua ekspressi:
1) Stoic
2) Enigmatic
And I laughed a little inside.
Monday, 17 January 2011
Cash Term
Kawan-kawan aku, kebanyakkannya mempunyai pasangan masing-masing.
Bila duduk makan sambil berbual, nampak kemesraan dalam hubungan mereka. Dalam hati aku kata:
"Ah love birds, how nice". Itu bahagian yang baik... Bahagian jahat selalu kata: "6 months top".
But that's not for me to decide. Hati aku yang khianat memang suka buat kenyataan-kenyataan jahat. Nonetheless, I'm happy for them, I love seeing people happy. Cuma yang aku kurang senang, bila pasangan-pasangan bercinta ini ada masalah, mereka akan cari aku. Tapi itu cerita lain.
Bila keluar jumpa kawan-kawan aku dengan teman wanita dan lelaki masing-masing, semua pandang aku. I've just committed a sin, the biggest sin of all. There was suppose to be a multiple date day out between me and the friends but I came alone. Tak akan nak bawa mak aku keluar kan? Plus she doesn't have the time.
Tiba-tiba salah seorang daripada teman wanita kawan aku duduk sebelah aku semasa semua orang tengah sibuk berbual tentang hal-hal duniawi. Tengang ipad, tentang iPhone 4, tentang kamasutra, tentang politik, tentang kahwin dan macam-macam lagi. Mereka sedang sibuk, aku pula sedang sibuk membalas emel-emel untuk urusan duniawi. Untuk bayar bil dan beli benda-benda yang aku mahu.
Dia tinggalkan kumpulan duniawi dihadapan dan datang kepada aku... Dia duduk dan tanya aku:
"Sorry kacau you, if you don't mind me asking... Kenapa you tak ada girlfriend eh?".
Dalam kepala aku terbayang Platonic theory dan selepas itu Bukowski kata "Love is a dog from hell". Aku jawab:
"I was married once and a year after that, my wife died. That bloody Freddy Kruger and Jason got her. They cut her into pieces and decided to make nugget out of her".
Tapi itu dalam hati. Instead I said:
"I don't really have time for that. Lagipun mana ada orang nak lelaki botak dan tak ada duit. I'm still borrowing my mom's car for god sake".
Dia buat muka tak percaya, you know that cute and curious look:
"Tak akan la tak ada orang nak dekat you? I'm sure ada je perempuan yang suka dekat you".
Macam biasa, bila orang kata macam ni, I can't help to ask that person back. Since I have a curiosity of a 6 year old boy.
"Mana? Show me?". Sambil pandang keluar restoran. Aku kata lagi:
"I tak nampak pun ada perempuan nak dekat I?"
Do you really need a reason for not having a girlfriend?
I want a Macbook Pro more than a girlfriend right now. And a car and a new phone and, and, and endless and. Plus I can buy them all in cash. Can't do that for a girl can I?
Bila duduk makan sambil berbual, nampak kemesraan dalam hubungan mereka. Dalam hati aku kata:
"Ah love birds, how nice". Itu bahagian yang baik... Bahagian jahat selalu kata: "6 months top".
But that's not for me to decide. Hati aku yang khianat memang suka buat kenyataan-kenyataan jahat. Nonetheless, I'm happy for them, I love seeing people happy. Cuma yang aku kurang senang, bila pasangan-pasangan bercinta ini ada masalah, mereka akan cari aku. Tapi itu cerita lain.
Bila keluar jumpa kawan-kawan aku dengan teman wanita dan lelaki masing-masing, semua pandang aku. I've just committed a sin, the biggest sin of all. There was suppose to be a multiple date day out between me and the friends but I came alone. Tak akan nak bawa mak aku keluar kan? Plus she doesn't have the time.
Tiba-tiba salah seorang daripada teman wanita kawan aku duduk sebelah aku semasa semua orang tengah sibuk berbual tentang hal-hal duniawi. Tengang ipad, tentang iPhone 4, tentang kamasutra, tentang politik, tentang kahwin dan macam-macam lagi. Mereka sedang sibuk, aku pula sedang sibuk membalas emel-emel untuk urusan duniawi. Untuk bayar bil dan beli benda-benda yang aku mahu.
Dia tinggalkan kumpulan duniawi dihadapan dan datang kepada aku... Dia duduk dan tanya aku:
"Sorry kacau you, if you don't mind me asking... Kenapa you tak ada girlfriend eh?".
Dalam kepala aku terbayang Platonic theory dan selepas itu Bukowski kata "Love is a dog from hell". Aku jawab:
"I was married once and a year after that, my wife died. That bloody Freddy Kruger and Jason got her. They cut her into pieces and decided to make nugget out of her".
Tapi itu dalam hati. Instead I said:
"I don't really have time for that. Lagipun mana ada orang nak lelaki botak dan tak ada duit. I'm still borrowing my mom's car for god sake".
Dia buat muka tak percaya, you know that cute and curious look:
"Tak akan la tak ada orang nak dekat you? I'm sure ada je perempuan yang suka dekat you".
Macam biasa, bila orang kata macam ni, I can't help to ask that person back. Since I have a curiosity of a 6 year old boy.
"Mana? Show me?". Sambil pandang keluar restoran. Aku kata lagi:
"I tak nampak pun ada perempuan nak dekat I?"
Do you really need a reason for not having a girlfriend?
I want a Macbook Pro more than a girlfriend right now. And a car and a new phone and, and, and endless and. Plus I can buy them all in cash. Can't do that for a girl can I?
Saturday, 15 January 2011
Obsolete and this will also take your life
Kalau pergi pub, akan bergema kata-kata macam:
"Man, you drink a lot. Don't drive". Tak kira daripada orang sober atau totally wasted. They all give you the same advice.
Don't drink and drive.
But hey, this is 2011... Setiap hari ada beribu orang celik teknologi. Lebih ramai orang kenal facebook, blogspot dan twitter daripada Quran.
This is time for a change.
Jadi kerajaan patut lancarkan kempen:
"Don't fucking tweet and drive!".
That stuff can kill you man.
"Man, you drink a lot. Don't drive". Tak kira daripada orang sober atau totally wasted. They all give you the same advice.
Don't drink and drive.
But hey, this is 2011... Setiap hari ada beribu orang celik teknologi. Lebih ramai orang kenal facebook, blogspot dan twitter daripada Quran.
This is time for a change.
Jadi kerajaan patut lancarkan kempen:
"Don't fucking tweet and drive!".
That stuff can kill you man.
Distraction
I was driving for 30mins in a friend's car to a university in Serdang. Since we are working on some stuff there...
Itu sebenarnya projek dia, aku dibayar untuk kerja dengan dia. So I have to write some love story and tragedy. Biasalah untuk Malaysian readers... Semua orang suka drama, drama pun suka semua orang. Err you know what I mean.
Now where was I... Oh driving for 30mins.
So I was driving. Ada seorang perempuan pertengahan 20'an duduk disebelah. Rasa macam hidup ini sempurna, expensive car, pretty girl. Tapi dua-dua bukan aku punya. Kereta, perempuan cantik berumur pertengahan 20'ann punya dan perempuan cantik berumur pertengahan 20'an tak ada orang punya. We'll see what's going to happen.
Aku memandu dengan tenang, in the fast lane doing 140 or maybe 160 km/h.
Orang disebelah aku tiba-tiba bersuara:
"You are doing 140 km/h and in the fast lane, lepas tu boleh pegang handphone and tweet?"
Well it wasn't like that, I did kept my eyes on the road it's just that not as much as usual.
"Okay fine", aku kata kepada dia.
I slow down the car and got into the left lane.
"There I'm doing 70 now and I'm not in the fast lane anymore".
Dia pandang aku dan kata:
"Yes I can see that but I can also see that you are still with your phone tweeting".
She asked me to pull over and took the wheels after on the 30th minute.
Kalau dulu, blogging dan blogwalking itu syaitan. Sekarang kita dah ada syaitan baru.
Not even a pretty girl can top this, because whenever I see pretty girls, I'll tweet about it.
Oh and one more thing, I wasn't just tweeting...
I was also replying my emails.
Jadikan itu dua syaitan baru.
Itu sebenarnya projek dia, aku dibayar untuk kerja dengan dia. So I have to write some love story and tragedy. Biasalah untuk Malaysian readers... Semua orang suka drama, drama pun suka semua orang. Err you know what I mean.
Now where was I... Oh driving for 30mins.
So I was driving. Ada seorang perempuan pertengahan 20'an duduk disebelah. Rasa macam hidup ini sempurna, expensive car, pretty girl. Tapi dua-dua bukan aku punya. Kereta, perempuan cantik berumur pertengahan 20'ann punya dan perempuan cantik berumur pertengahan 20'an tak ada orang punya. We'll see what's going to happen.
Aku memandu dengan tenang, in the fast lane doing 140 or maybe 160 km/h.
Orang disebelah aku tiba-tiba bersuara:
"You are doing 140 km/h and in the fast lane, lepas tu boleh pegang handphone and tweet?"
Well it wasn't like that, I did kept my eyes on the road it's just that not as much as usual.
"Okay fine", aku kata kepada dia.
I slow down the car and got into the left lane.
"There I'm doing 70 now and I'm not in the fast lane anymore".
Dia pandang aku dan kata:
"Yes I can see that but I can also see that you are still with your phone tweeting".
She asked me to pull over and took the wheels after on the 30th minute.
Kalau dulu, blogging dan blogwalking itu syaitan. Sekarang kita dah ada syaitan baru.
Not even a pretty girl can top this, because whenever I see pretty girls, I'll tweet about it.
Oh and one more thing, I wasn't just tweeting...
I was also replying my emails.
Jadikan itu dua syaitan baru.
Friday, 14 January 2011
Goal
Life is all about achievement, because it is in fact too meaningless that you have to at least put a meaning to it.
Aku lupa siapa yang kata hidup ini tak ada makna. Someone famous and dead, obviously he is correct.
Tahun ini aku ada beberapa benda untuk dicapai, dari sudut kerjaya dan material. Well they are related, if my career kicks off then everything will follow. Aku boleh beli semua benda yang aku mahu, termasuk cinta.
In the end, things that I want to buy will help me in my career too. You can figure that out on your own.
Cuma kita semua tahu, dalam hidup kita tak boleh dapat semua yang kita mahu. Jadi aku akan cuba dapatkan satu-satu.
Sebab tak ada orang kata dalam hidup tak boleh dapat satu-satu.
Certainly this will make every rich sugar mummy in KL retire...
Dan pergi masjid beribadah.
Dan pergi masjid beribadah.
Realiti Jumaat
I was updating my schedule for 2011. Not really a busy year, well not yet.
Sampai ke bulan September... Aku teringat, I turning 22 this year.
But I still feel like I'm 18.
Jadi untuk sugar mummy di luar sana, I am 18, young and single.
Baru je lepas SPM dan sangat naif.
Whatcha all waitin for?
Sampai ke bulan September... Aku teringat, I turning 22 this year.
But I still feel like I'm 18.
Jadi untuk sugar mummy di luar sana, I am 18, young and single.
Baru je lepas SPM dan sangat naif.
Whatcha all waitin for?
Thursday, 13 January 2011
10 million dollar question
Aku terima satu teks beberapa minit sebelum aku menulis teks ini.
Seorang perempuan dalam teks itu bertanya kepada aku:
"What actually happen to us?".
Note the "us"?
I'm not answering that. It simply means suicide.
Seorang perempuan dalam teks itu bertanya kepada aku:
"What actually happen to us?".
Note the "us"?
I'm not answering that. It simply means suicide.
Kerja Awal Pagi
When I'm alone like this, travelling, driving through traffic all by my self.
Sambil merenung benda-benda yang dah berlaku, benda-benda yang melibatkan emosi, hati, masa hadapan dan jiwa.
I can't help but to ask my self...
Nak makan apa tengah hari ni?
Sambil merenung benda-benda yang dah berlaku, benda-benda yang melibatkan emosi, hati, masa hadapan dan jiwa.
I can't help but to ask my self...
Nak makan apa tengah hari ni?
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
I love, I love, I love, I love
I love approving comments. No matter how degrading they are.
Macam ni....
You know the drill.
Biasalah cele... You know the rest.
Macam ni....
You know the drill.
Biasalah cele... You know the rest.
Singkat
I write and I'm hoping one day that my writing will be able to support my life. Sufficiently of course, so that I don't have to worry about bills and stuff.
Jadi aku terfikir, mungkin aku patut letak tab paypal dekat blog ini. So that I can write and write and write. Itu pun kalau ada orang mahu baca.
Jadi aku terfikir, mungkin aku patut letak tab paypal dekat blog ini. So that I can write and write and write. Itu pun kalau ada orang mahu baca.
You want to know what rockstars and writers have in common?
Ini tajuk penulisan 7 Ogos 2010...
Sekarang...
Aku dah lupa apa sebenarnya yang aku patut tulis tentang tajuk ni.
Biasalah celebrity blogger, sibuk dengan macam-macam benda.
Now, I'm busy wasting a few seconds of your life.
Biasalah semua celebrity blogger buat macam tu kan?
After all, you'll still waste your time anyway even if you are not reading this.
Sekarang...
Aku dah lupa apa sebenarnya yang aku patut tulis tentang tajuk ni.
Biasalah celebrity blogger, sibuk dengan macam-macam benda.
Now, I'm busy wasting a few seconds of your life.
Biasalah semua celebrity blogger buat macam tu kan?
After all, you'll still waste your time anyway even if you are not reading this.
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Typical teen blogger
Tolong suruh semua orang baca blog saya untuk up kan traffic okay?
Nak beli Blackberry Torch and a Macbook Pro.
Nak tidur dah, goodnight.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Nak beli Blackberry Torch and a Macbook Pro.
Nak tidur dah, goodnight.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
***
I know exactly what you are thinking.
It's about this right?:
FUCK YOU!
It's time for you guys to really write you shit head.
Firasat
I've been through so many things in life, I'm already tired of facing some of them and there are some stuff that I still look forward to.
Dalam tempoh 21 tahun aku hidup, I've been through many relationships. Kebanyakkannya berat dan sarat dengan emosi, bukan emosi aku. Emosi yang ada hanya kesan susulan selepas dicetuskan oleh emosi luar. Dalam kata lain, emosi luar itu adalah wanita.
Dalam waktu itu banyak benda berlaku. Stories were told, poems were written and hearts were broken. And I pretty much survive everything inside out with a few flesh wounds, burn and scars. So I can pretty much feel things now.
I can foresee the situation that I know and pretty much predict the outcome. Biasalah prediction, kadang-kadang betul, kadang-kadang salah, that's what people say. But in my case, selalunya betul.
Tahun lepas adalah tahun yang paling err how shall I put this. Well last year was a good year with a few minor glitches.
Ramai kawan-kawan perempuan aku kecewa dalam perhubungan emosi dan beberapa orang daripada mereka datang kepada aku, for a fucking shoulder to cry.
"I told you that guy is no good".
Aku kata kepada dia. Ini bukan propaganda, aku tak mahu dia jadi teman wanita aku, I don't even need one like her. I was just being a friend.
"That's true, how do you know?".
Aku nak jawab: "Because I wouldn't treat a girl like that". But that is like self promoting. Jadi aku undur dan undur untuk jawapan yang lebih tepat.
"Because he has a face of a piggy bastard and look what he did to you after a year being with him?".
It was proven, I don't have to say much about that bastard.
Dalam tempoh 21 tahun aku hidup, I've been through many relationships. Kebanyakkannya berat dan sarat dengan emosi, bukan emosi aku. Emosi yang ada hanya kesan susulan selepas dicetuskan oleh emosi luar. Dalam kata lain, emosi luar itu adalah wanita.
Dalam waktu itu banyak benda berlaku. Stories were told, poems were written and hearts were broken. And I pretty much survive everything inside out with a few flesh wounds, burn and scars. So I can pretty much feel things now.
I can foresee the situation that I know and pretty much predict the outcome. Biasalah prediction, kadang-kadang betul, kadang-kadang salah, that's what people say. But in my case, selalunya betul.
Tahun lepas adalah tahun yang paling err how shall I put this. Well last year was a good year with a few minor glitches.
Ramai kawan-kawan perempuan aku kecewa dalam perhubungan emosi dan beberapa orang daripada mereka datang kepada aku, for a fucking shoulder to cry.
"I told you that guy is no good".
Aku kata kepada dia. Ini bukan propaganda, aku tak mahu dia jadi teman wanita aku, I don't even need one like her. I was just being a friend.
"That's true, how do you know?".
Aku nak jawab: "Because I wouldn't treat a girl like that". But that is like self promoting. Jadi aku undur dan undur untuk jawapan yang lebih tepat.
"Because he has a face of a piggy bastard and look what he did to you after a year being with him?".
It was proven, I don't have to say much about that bastard.
Go figure
If the older generations are morons, they well produce even greater morons. To some extend, no matter how smart one is, he will eventually become a smart moron. That's even more dangerous and well terminal in some ways.
Monday, 10 January 2011
Mimpi Aphrodite
If you love a person, rain the person you love with affection endlessly instead of money. If you are lucky, that person will love you back. If you aren't lucky, make yourself lucky with whatever way possible.
But in my case, if you do love me or planning to do so...
I'l take a Blackberry Torch and MacBook Pro, that's it for now.
I'l take a Blackberry Torch and MacBook Pro, that's it for now.
Apa yang kamu, aku dan dunia perlukan sekarang...
Emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi, emosi....
Selepas itu, cinta.
Mari cintakan diri sendiri, so we'll be less fucked up and fucking self destructive.
Compliment
Dickens pernah kata:
"A loving heart is the truest wisdom".
No wonder there are many intolerable stupid people in the world.
"A loving heart is the truest wisdom".
No wonder there are many intolerable stupid people in the world.
1million dollar question
Kadang-kadang aku tanya dan terus tanya kepada diri sendiri.
What else should I write here?
What else should I write here?
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Let's be in love
Tadi selepas aku balik daripada satu majlis dan duduk berbual bersama kawan-kawan baru dan lama mengenai masa hadapan, I saw my high school crush. She was on her way to her car from her place. One thing about her is, she is damn fucking cute and it has been 6 years, she is still the same.
Macam masa aku kenal dia, umur aku 15 masa tu, tak berubah sikit pun. In fact she is prettier now, all grown up and mature with a stable career well maybe not but she has a day job.
I remember how we would stroll around the housing area and talk about nothing for 2 hours. Usually starts at 5pm to 7pm and that was like my routine with her at least 3 times a week. You know the beautiful feeling of having someone with you, someone you adore and you don't want her to leave your side.
But we didn't made it or it's more like, I didn't but she did with another guy. Plus, it was rather ridiculous for an 18 year old girl to be together with a 15 year old boy who his mom still buys his underwear for him. That was like totally what the fuck.
So we took 15 minutes just to remember the past and laughed. I wasn't trying that hard last time I guess.
Maybe I should make her fall in love with me, for real, now in the present. And let her see what kind of man I am now. A gentleman of course. When she is deeply in love with me, I'll use this to captivate her even more:
"If you really do want me and love me, you should overcome any and every obstacles that is lying in my pants":
So shall we?
Macam masa aku kenal dia, umur aku 15 masa tu, tak berubah sikit pun. In fact she is prettier now, all grown up and mature with a stable career well maybe not but she has a day job.
I remember how we would stroll around the housing area and talk about nothing for 2 hours. Usually starts at 5pm to 7pm and that was like my routine with her at least 3 times a week. You know the beautiful feeling of having someone with you, someone you adore and you don't want her to leave your side.
But we didn't made it or it's more like, I didn't but she did with another guy. Plus, it was rather ridiculous for an 18 year old girl to be together with a 15 year old boy who his mom still buys his underwear for him. That was like totally what the fuck.
So we took 15 minutes just to remember the past and laughed. I wasn't trying that hard last time I guess.
Maybe I should make her fall in love with me, for real, now in the present. And let her see what kind of man I am now. A gentleman of course. When she is deeply in love with me, I'll use this to captivate her even more:
"If you really do want me and love me, you should overcome any and every obstacles that is lying in my pants":
So shall we?
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Take a deep breath and let it all go. Slowly, let it all go.
A positive start, I'm working out again. Jadi semua perasaan marah, benci, meluat, muak, angkuh, resah, cinta, rindu, fucked up, bitchy, dick, pussy, bangsat, celaka dan sebagainya dapat digunakan untuk membentuk otot-otot yang mungkin akan berguna untuk memenuhi kepentingan peribadi suatu hari nanti.
Yes, that's the most important thing. Personal interest...
Situasi-situasi yang penuh dengan kecelaruan, kebencian dan enigma, selalunya membuatkan elemen-elemen neurotik dalam diri bangkit. Seterusnya diterjemahkan dalam bentuk tingkah laku, fizikal. It ain't a pretty sight.
Hari ini, punching bag menjadi mangsa dan aku tukarkan semua tenaga-tenaga negatif itu menjadi positive.
Tumbuk, tumbuk dan sesekali, tendang.
Now, I'm planning to stay positve for a very long time.
Jadi mari kita cari manusia dan tumbuk dengan gembira.
You wouldn't want to cease the positive vibe would you?
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
Reality
Hari ini aku menulis 7 orang pembaca blog termasuk aku dan semua silent reader.
Kenapa silent readers?
Try and feel it, silent as a haunted grave don't you think?
Kenapa silent readers?
Try and feel it, silent as a haunted grave don't you think?
Blackberry
Berbual dengan seorang kawan tentang shopping. I don't really shop, not a shopaholic. I just buy things that I need, okay maybe sometimes things that I want. Tapi itu cerita lain. Kami berbual hingga sampai ke bahagian ini:
Aku tanya: "Kau cuti sampai bila?".
This friend of mine is always unsure of himself so he answered:
"Idk".
It's okay, I've known him for quite a while, jadi benda-benda yang ada unsur ketidakpastian atau uncertainties ni dikira biasa.
Aku kata pada dia:
"Okay, kalau ada apa-apa just BBM me alrite? Take my pin".
"Ala aku malas nak salin, sms to me".
"No my BB pin is easy to remember just take it
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!".
"Jangan lupa kira betul-betul exclamation marks, nanti orang lain punya pulak kau add".
Aku belum beli Blackberry lagi.
Aku tanya: "Kau cuti sampai bila?".
This friend of mine is always unsure of himself so he answered:
"Idk".
It's okay, I've known him for quite a while, jadi benda-benda yang ada unsur ketidakpastian atau uncertainties ni dikira biasa.
Aku kata pada dia:
"Okay, kalau ada apa-apa just BBM me alrite? Take my pin".
"Ala aku malas nak salin, sms to me".
"No my BB pin is easy to remember just take it
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!".
"Jangan lupa kira betul-betul exclamation marks, nanti orang lain punya pulak kau add".
Aku belum beli Blackberry lagi.
Januari 3
Malam-malam di bulan Januari, macam-macam harapan tersimpan.
Aku duduk menonton tv dengan keluarga, selepas balik mengajar. Family time before they all go to bed for they all have a very fucked up day waiting ahead. Atau dalam kata lain, semua kena pergi sekolah. Aku tak pasti sama ada pandangan adik-adik tentang sekolah sama dengan aku. Kalau kamu tanya aku, aku tak akan jawab sebab aku pentingkan kuasa, dominasi dunia, pemerintahan kuku besi.
Power madness, have you ever seen a mad person who doesn't have power?
Anyway it was a nice night, sitting with the family watching Globe Trekker on TLC and a hot girl was hosting. They are showing a holiday spot with dolphins or something. Yeah, that smart fish that can follow instructions, kalau kamu latih ikan tu. Ahh if only girls are like that. Just kidding.
Kagum melihat ikan-ikan menurut arahan manusia, aku kata:
"Wow, best betul!".
Adik aku yang duduk di sebelah bagi cadangan:
"Jom kita bela dolphin?"
Aku pandang dia dan senyum:
"Tak, along nak bela host mat salleh tu".
Aku duduk menonton tv dengan keluarga, selepas balik mengajar. Family time before they all go to bed for they all have a very fucked up day waiting ahead. Atau dalam kata lain, semua kena pergi sekolah. Aku tak pasti sama ada pandangan adik-adik tentang sekolah sama dengan aku. Kalau kamu tanya aku, aku tak akan jawab sebab aku pentingkan kuasa, dominasi dunia, pemerintahan kuku besi.
Power madness, have you ever seen a mad person who doesn't have power?
Anyway it was a nice night, sitting with the family watching Globe Trekker on TLC and a hot girl was hosting. They are showing a holiday spot with dolphins or something. Yeah, that smart fish that can follow instructions, kalau kamu latih ikan tu. Ahh if only girls are like that. Just kidding.
Kagum melihat ikan-ikan menurut arahan manusia, aku kata:
"Wow, best betul!".
Adik aku yang duduk di sebelah bagi cadangan:
"Jom kita bela dolphin?"
Aku pandang dia dan senyum:
"Tak, along nak bela host mat salleh tu".
Monday, 3 January 2011
Kontradiksi Diri
Hidup seorang penulis dengan pemikiran kurang stabil. By that I mean fickle, not fucked up in the brain.
Sebagai penulis (penulis blog ini lebih tepat), aku ada satu perasaan dalam diri. Perasaan mahu puaskan hati orang lain melalui kata-kata bangsat, lucah dan akhir sekali indah. It's hard to satisfy people especially when you are using obscene and profane words in you writing.
Masuk surat khabar memang tak lepas, sebab lepas keluar, semua orang sibuk nak bakar rumah aku atas alasan tak beradab, tak mengikut adat bersopan santun orang Melayu, menggangu-gugat ekonomi orang Melayu, mengugat politik orang Melayu, tak duduk bersila, tak makan pakai tangan, tak korek hidung sorok-sorok, tak malu tunjuk jari tengah dan lain-lain lagi.
Setiap kali orang menuding jari kepada aku, aku akan kata:
"Can't you fucking read? It says here, THE PLAIN MELAYU. Mark the work PLAIN, simply means PLAIN".
Okay that doesn't work pretty well. Mungkin aku perlu ikut cara Peter Griffin dalam Family Guy:
"Hey, I am just The Plain Melayu, I don't know any better".
Dan sambil menaip perkataan-perkataan yang kamu baca dari awal hingga sekarang, aku tertanya-tanya. Selepas membaca komen-komen entri sebelumnya aku masih tertanya-tanya...
Why the hell are you wandering in a dark place like this at this time of the night?
Dan macam biasa, aku fickle... Soalan lain akan timbul dalam masa 3 saat.
Why the hell am I writing in a bloody dark place like this at this time of the night?
Dah pergi tidur, kejap lagi ada benda dekat belakang kamu tumpang sekaki baca. They like reading what I wrote... Tak percaya? Selak langsir dan tegok apa yang ada diluar tingkap.
Not so funny now right?
Sebagai penulis (penulis blog ini lebih tepat), aku ada satu perasaan dalam diri. Perasaan mahu puaskan hati orang lain melalui kata-kata bangsat, lucah dan akhir sekali indah. It's hard to satisfy people especially when you are using obscene and profane words in you writing.
Masuk surat khabar memang tak lepas, sebab lepas keluar, semua orang sibuk nak bakar rumah aku atas alasan tak beradab, tak mengikut adat bersopan santun orang Melayu, menggangu-gugat ekonomi orang Melayu, mengugat politik orang Melayu, tak duduk bersila, tak makan pakai tangan, tak korek hidung sorok-sorok, tak malu tunjuk jari tengah dan lain-lain lagi.
Setiap kali orang menuding jari kepada aku, aku akan kata:
"Can't you fucking read? It says here, THE PLAIN MELAYU. Mark the work PLAIN, simply means PLAIN".
Okay that doesn't work pretty well. Mungkin aku perlu ikut cara Peter Griffin dalam Family Guy:
"Hey, I am just The Plain Melayu, I don't know any better".
Dan sambil menaip perkataan-perkataan yang kamu baca dari awal hingga sekarang, aku tertanya-tanya. Selepas membaca komen-komen entri sebelumnya aku masih tertanya-tanya...
Why the hell are you wandering in a dark place like this at this time of the night?
Dan macam biasa, aku fickle... Soalan lain akan timbul dalam masa 3 saat.
Why the hell am I writing in a bloody dark place like this at this time of the night?
Dah pergi tidur, kejap lagi ada benda dekat belakang kamu tumpang sekaki baca. They like reading what I wrote... Tak percaya? Selak langsir dan tegok apa yang ada diluar tingkap.
Not so funny now right?
Resolusi tahun baru
Talking about resolution for 2011.
I don't have one, because my fucking laptop is being such a bitch.
And that's pretty much it.
Perlu cari skrin komputer orang lain untuk resolusi.
I don't have one, because my fucking laptop is being such a bitch.
And that's pretty much it.
Perlu cari skrin komputer orang lain untuk resolusi.
Saturday, 1 January 2011
Pesanan tahun baru
This is the moment when you'll fall in love,
The moment when you'll give all your heart
And soul for someone else to keep.
This moment would be,
When you keep every boys and girls,
Out of your pants.
Geddit?
The moment when you'll give all your heart
And soul for someone else to keep.
This moment would be,
When you keep every boys and girls,
Out of your pants.
Geddit?
I'm not going to write about all that beginning and the end shit
Aku cuma nak kata...
Selamat tahun baru 2011!
Let's double the pray, work and play. Oh WTH, let's triple the play!
Selamat tahun baru 2011!
Let's double the pray, work and play. Oh WTH, let's triple the play!
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