Usik hati

Kenapa... Tak kira berapa banyak aku menulis, bercerita aku tetap rasa ada benda yang tak lepas daripada hati yang merajuk ini?

Maybe it's because I haven't had any stiff drink for years. 

Atau mungkin hati aku dah tua, when it is stuck in one state... Degil.

Habit

 I am mostly writing when I am lying on my belly now. I am old. This place is old but it didn't grow up with me.

So yeah.

Come back to yourself...

 Here I am... Not sure why I am back this time. Maybe I just can't tell how I feel to the people around me. 

I think I am safe here. Not that many people know about this place and who I am and I bet she doesn't know about this place. 

It's all good. 

Memories

 Looking back at all the things that we went through all the sacrifice made, going against all odds just to be together... Those things made me sad and angry. 

You see, we had it all. All the love in the world, we had each other. I used to look at other people and be grateful for having something that others don't. 

Until it all got snatched away by anger, ego, circumstances, reactions and things went numb.

How do I explain this... Well words were thrown, I wish I was stronger in enduring all the sharp words thrown at me. Letter became syllables... Spelled... Spoken. 

Threats... I don't respond well to them. It triggered something that I had to endure for years in my own house. 

It made a man who was full of love with sparkly eyes whenever he sees her... 

Eventually felt numb every time he hugged and kissed her forehead. 

:(

Hi

So here I am again. Back to square one just the way I was around for years ago.

Ekspresi yang selalu digunakan anak-anak muda zaman sekarang; "fuck my life" right?

Amuk

So I feel the need to write again though I know not many are reading but what the hell, this time it is for me, not you guys anymore.


So... Where do I start?

Meeting

In a meeting, I used a phrase "let's address the elephant in the room". 

Seorang kawan berbisik kepada aku:

"How do you address the elephant in the room if there was a real elephant here?"

Aku diam dan hanya tersenyum sambil bercakap dalam hati:

"I am going to fucking shoot it".

Well meetings are never fun. 

Shot

I have my days when I will enjoy the luxury of life while suffering the equal amount of torment.

Hidup aku memang macam ni, ada syurga dengan neraka sekaligus. Which can be confusing at times.

Do I enjoy the heaven or suffer the hell? Which is which?

Hardship in life ajar aku banyak benda. A friend said to me when I was at the lowest point of my life:

"You have hit the bottom and the only way to go now is up" and that's exactly what I did. I moved up and beyond dan sekarang aku sedang sibuk mempersiapkan diri dengan hati ni untuk terus naik. Before I fall and hit the ground again, at least I will be well prepared.

Kadang-kadang you will have everything in life and by everything which is subjective to others, pada aku money is everything. Lepas tu kau ada cinta... Cinta pun everything juga. Love that will make you and/or break you.

All we need to do is sit back and enjoy the ride.

Oh dan untuk kekeliruan samada aku nak berseronok dengan syurga atau neraka dunia?

All I can say is, I'll think about hell when I am dead enough.