Night falls...
Seorang lelaki dengan rambut pendek ala military dude, berjaket kulit hitam dengan seluar jeans dan kasut kulit coklat pergi ke kedai untuk beli beberapa barang.
He was tired though it was a four hour job... With a serious face he made his way to the groceries shop and picked some stuff and headed to the counter and waited for his turn.
Sampai giliran lelaki bermuka violence bercampur jambu (itu kata orang), barang yang diambil dihisab.
"Sembilan linggit setengah boss", kata apek yang mengira barang-barang diambil lelaki berjaket kulit hitam.
"Ok nah" sambil menghulurkan note sepuluh ringgit.
Pembantu apek itu sedang terkial-kial mencapai beg plastik untuk semua barang-barang tadi.
Tiba-tiba...
"No, tak payah plastic",
"Boleh ka itu macam? Banyak barang ooo? Kenapa tak mahu plastik?", kata apek dengan curious.
"Plastics, not good for the environment".
Dia ambil semua barang-barang tadi dan melangkah pergi dengan penuh gaya.
Yeah cerita pasal tak ambil plastic bag sahaja, nothing interesting.
Wednesday, 30 December 2009
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
We have the capability you know? Of course you don't
I was talking to a friend. Seorang perempuan yang cepat keliru dengan perkara-perkara yang aku cakap, perkataan-perkataan yang aku keluarkan. Well she is not the only one, if you know what I mean.
Aku dan dia banyak bercakap mengenai moral, psychology dan hidup... About the limitation of human capabilities. We have almost no limitation really, its how you utilize your capabilities that matters. Trust me.
Aku kata pada dia:
"You know, I can read minds... Percaya tak?"
Dia diam (mungkin berfikir, what kind of silly trick that I'm trying to play).
"No, tak percaya..."
"Well I know what you are thinking now..."
Dia dengan penuh skeptik dan tak percaya:
"Okay what am I thinking now?"
Aku pun dengan yakin:
"You are thinking about eating ice cream with me and obviously you are thinking about me"...
Dengan nada suara denial dia kata:
"Salah, so not, you can't read minds".
"I told you I could read minds, but I didn't say that I read minds correctly kan?"
Jadi semua orang boleh buat benda ini. You should try.
Aku dan dia banyak bercakap mengenai moral, psychology dan hidup... About the limitation of human capabilities. We have almost no limitation really, its how you utilize your capabilities that matters. Trust me.
Aku kata pada dia:
"You know, I can read minds... Percaya tak?"
Dia diam (mungkin berfikir, what kind of silly trick that I'm trying to play).
"No, tak percaya..."
"Well I know what you are thinking now..."
Dia dengan penuh skeptik dan tak percaya:
"Okay what am I thinking now?"
Aku pun dengan yakin:
"You are thinking about eating ice cream with me and obviously you are thinking about me"...
Dengan nada suara denial dia kata:
"Salah, so not, you can't read minds".
"I told you I could read minds, but I didn't say that I read minds correctly kan?"
Jadi semua orang boleh buat benda ini. You should try.
The quest of the missing books
Hati aku tak boleh tahan benda-benda tragis macam buku-buku yang hilang. Its disturbing you know.
Jadi buku ibarat perempuan, bezanya sekarang aku ada masa untuk cari buku tetapi tidak perempuan. Not yet.
So I went to Kino earlier today and started looking for some books. First on the list Immortality by Kundera, a philosophical novel with paradoxes and provocations.
Jalan menuju ke arah rak buku dan cuba cari. Even finding the book I wanted was a great challenge, jadi perlu tanya the customer service personnel. So she showed me the book, masalah pertama selesai.
Lagi satu buku dan hati aku akan puas.
Tak tahu kenapa, tapi semua buku yang aku cuba cari tak jumpa. Satu petanda mungkin that I shouldn't be spending my money on some fucking books. Tapi aku tak peduli, I'm on a quest, the madness is here with me. They only way for you to stop me is to kill me but I doubt a person would dare to kill another person for wanting to buy books with his own money. Just forget it.
So I made my way to the information counter and there she was, a cute girl. Okay now I sounded like a bimbo. Tapi tak apa, tak selalu.
"Excuse me, can you please help me with a book that I want".
Dia pandang aku dan kata:
"Yes".
"Its Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer".
Dia tekan-tekan papan kekunci dan tiba-tiba tersenyum...
"We should have one over here".
She lead me to the shelf and tried to look for it. Tapi tak ada. Dia panggil kawan dia dan cuba cari lagi, masih tak ada.
Dalam nada separuh serius aku kata:
"Maybe Miller dengki dengan I today so dia tukar the title of his book to 'Tropic of Capricorn'"
And one of the girl said:
"No, that's another book by him"
"I know, it was just a joke".
Aku tak faham kenapa orang sekeliling terlalu serious? Atau lawak aku memang tak kelakar?
Kalau tak kelakar tak apa, its just that aku rasa rugi sebab tak minta nombor telefon perempuan yang aku tanya mengenai buku Miller.
Tapi tak apa, I placed an order for that book. Going back there in another 4 to 6 weeks, kalau buku tu ada.
Jadi Miller akan jadi penyelamat aku?
Jadi buku ibarat perempuan, bezanya sekarang aku ada masa untuk cari buku tetapi tidak perempuan. Not yet.
So I went to Kino earlier today and started looking for some books. First on the list Immortality by Kundera, a philosophical novel with paradoxes and provocations.
Jalan menuju ke arah rak buku dan cuba cari. Even finding the book I wanted was a great challenge, jadi perlu tanya the customer service personnel. So she showed me the book, masalah pertama selesai.
Lagi satu buku dan hati aku akan puas.
Tak tahu kenapa, tapi semua buku yang aku cuba cari tak jumpa. Satu petanda mungkin that I shouldn't be spending my money on some fucking books. Tapi aku tak peduli, I'm on a quest, the madness is here with me. They only way for you to stop me is to kill me but I doubt a person would dare to kill another person for wanting to buy books with his own money. Just forget it.
So I made my way to the information counter and there she was, a cute girl. Okay now I sounded like a bimbo. Tapi tak apa, tak selalu.
"Excuse me, can you please help me with a book that I want".
Dia pandang aku dan kata:
"Yes".
"Its Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer".
Dia tekan-tekan papan kekunci dan tiba-tiba tersenyum...
"We should have one over here".
She lead me to the shelf and tried to look for it. Tapi tak ada. Dia panggil kawan dia dan cuba cari lagi, masih tak ada.
Dalam nada separuh serius aku kata:
"Maybe Miller dengki dengan I today so dia tukar the title of his book to 'Tropic of Capricorn'"
And one of the girl said:
"No, that's another book by him"
"I know, it was just a joke".
Aku tak faham kenapa orang sekeliling terlalu serious? Atau lawak aku memang tak kelakar?
Kalau tak kelakar tak apa, its just that aku rasa rugi sebab tak minta nombor telefon perempuan yang aku tanya mengenai buku Miller.
Tapi tak apa, I placed an order for that book. Going back there in another 4 to 6 weeks, kalau buku tu ada.
Jadi Miller akan jadi penyelamat aku?
Monday, 28 December 2009
Its all messy
Look at the room, I just have no time to keep everything in order.
Hidup terlalu hectic dan bilik mendapat so called aftershock from my hectic life. Semuanya bersepah, baju, buku-buku and my mom is already complaining.
Dalam hati aku kata: "Kalau ada wife, semua benda ini tak akan jadi masalah".
But then I'm not ready yet, too young and still have a lot of things to do and achieve.
Maybe this room needs a woman's touch.
Then again maybe I need a woman's touch more than my room.
So what are you waiting for?
Hidup terlalu hectic dan bilik mendapat so called aftershock from my hectic life. Semuanya bersepah, baju, buku-buku and my mom is already complaining.
Dalam hati aku kata: "Kalau ada wife, semua benda ini tak akan jadi masalah".
But then I'm not ready yet, too young and still have a lot of things to do and achieve.
Maybe this room needs a woman's touch.
Then again maybe I need a woman's touch more than my room.
So what are you waiting for?
Time to get back on track...
Its impossible to find another girl like her.
Aku kata itu pada ayah dan mak dia and they totally understood me, what I'm going through.
Tapi like it or not, no matter how hard it is, I have to move on. Jadi to face this, we have to take a little unorthodox approach. Especially when I talk to her parents, you know just to keep atmosphere in a cheerful mood.
"So you think you will be fine? Come on, you have to get over everything and carry on with life, seek other girls, wider opportunities", said her mom. Isn't that cool?
"Its not about another girl or other girls, its about how I accept the other girl or how she accepts me".
"Okay so now have you been seeing other girls?"
Aku senyum dan kata:
"No, not yet".
"Well you should, let memories be memories and present take its place".
Aku pandang kedua-dua lelaki dan perempuan in their late 40's itu dan senyum lebar sambil kata:
"Its going to be easier for me if you give me 20k to start, how about that?"
They looked at each other dan pandang aku.
Of course I laughed and they laughed. It was just a bloody joke.
Aku kata itu pada ayah dan mak dia and they totally understood me, what I'm going through.
Tapi like it or not, no matter how hard it is, I have to move on. Jadi to face this, we have to take a little unorthodox approach. Especially when I talk to her parents, you know just to keep atmosphere in a cheerful mood.
"So you think you will be fine? Come on, you have to get over everything and carry on with life, seek other girls, wider opportunities", said her mom. Isn't that cool?
"Its not about another girl or other girls, its about how I accept the other girl or how she accepts me".
"Okay so now have you been seeing other girls?"
Aku senyum dan kata:
"No, not yet".
"Well you should, let memories be memories and present take its place".
Aku pandang kedua-dua lelaki dan perempuan in their late 40's itu dan senyum lebar sambil kata:
"Its going to be easier for me if you give me 20k to start, how about that?"
They looked at each other dan pandang aku.
Of course I laughed and they laughed. It was just a bloody joke.
TIming, timing...
I'm in a middle of a thinking crisis. Keadaan apabila my brain do all the thinking without any restriction. Mungkin seabab tu I'm losing my hair, over using my brain and drove all the girls who have fondness towards guys who have nice hair away from me. I don't really care.
Its all about time, I'm taking my time to read and think, untuk cari apa makna kehidupan, the existence of human being, love dan semua benda yang manusia tak dapat terangkan.
Jadi mungkin aku akan ambil masa untuk tulis benda-benda yang deep.
And that Japanese Meta physicist dude wants to summarize all these shit in an equation that is not more then 1 inch in length?
In the mean time, brace yourself sebab apa yang aku tulis akan jadi sangat membosankan. And its contagious so its better not to read this blog kalau tak mahu kena boring syndrome.
Okay?
Its all about time, I'm taking my time to read and think, untuk cari apa makna kehidupan, the existence of human being, love dan semua benda yang manusia tak dapat terangkan.
Jadi mungkin aku akan ambil masa untuk tulis benda-benda yang deep.
And that Japanese Meta physicist dude wants to summarize all these shit in an equation that is not more then 1 inch in length?
In the mean time, brace yourself sebab apa yang aku tulis akan jadi sangat membosankan. And its contagious so its better not to read this blog kalau tak mahu kena boring syndrome.
Okay?
Hal ini tak boleh dibiarkan....
I just realized that I don't have a waterproof torchlight.
Dalam keadaan bilik yang bersepah, aku recheck semua buku yang aku ada atau pernah ada. Wtf, my books, my holy fucking books, some of them aren't here.
One by Miller and ada satu by Nietzsche some by Camus, Gogol and Chekhov.
After this, no more. I'm not going to let any girls take my books. Not even the cheapest and meaningless book that I have in my possession. Jadi semua orang yang nak pinjam buku boleh cium tumit aku dan aku masih tak akan bagi.
Moral of the story, before getting close to a girl, pastikan dia tak minat buku-buku yang aku baca. Atau pastikan dia tidak minat apa-apa buku.
Yeah including Kama Sutra, that's the begining of everything, it will lead to another book and another and another.
You know what I mean.
And I'm getting a waterproof torchlight later. I need it.
Dalam keadaan bilik yang bersepah, aku recheck semua buku yang aku ada atau pernah ada. Wtf, my books, my holy fucking books, some of them aren't here.
One by Miller and ada satu by Nietzsche some by Camus, Gogol and Chekhov.
After this, no more. I'm not going to let any girls take my books. Not even the cheapest and meaningless book that I have in my possession. Jadi semua orang yang nak pinjam buku boleh cium tumit aku dan aku masih tak akan bagi.
Moral of the story, before getting close to a girl, pastikan dia tak minat buku-buku yang aku baca. Atau pastikan dia tidak minat apa-apa buku.
Yeah including Kama Sutra, that's the begining of everything, it will lead to another book and another and another.
You know what I mean.
And I'm getting a waterproof torchlight later. I need it.
Saturday, 26 December 2009
Aku pun narcissist juga, tapi tak sampai tahap ini...
"Hey nak jadi follower saya tak?"
Dalam hati aku kata, "why don't you go and check out list of the blogs that I'm following".
Tapi aku ringkaskan kepada.
"No, tak nak".
That was the nicest way I could think of at that particular moment.
Tak kejam sangat kan?
Dalam hati aku kata, "why don't you go and check out list of the blogs that I'm following".
Tapi aku ringkaskan kepada.
"No, tak nak".
That was the nicest way I could think of at that particular moment.
Tak kejam sangat kan?
And we shall fall
Its amazing knowing what humans are capable of. With our brain, mind, thoughts and heart not forgetting soul, we human are the perfect creature.
Evidence? We do have our own civilization and world that we called home now don't we?
You can see now how we discriminate our own kind, between the rich and the poor, powerful and powerless, smart and dummies, courage and cowards and the list goes on. We always have names for other people, have things that we don't like, have things that we think we can correct.
Maybe that's just how life works or we are shaping life as it is to day?
For millennium, in the process of creating our own civilization, we created hell for many people. We created hell for someone's family, father or son, might even be someone's daughter.
We always defend the statement that we civilized people do not handle things in barbaric ways. Civilized humans cant seem to stop harvesting for papers called money. Everything is profitable to us and so we sacrificed nature and things even people around it for the "devil" wealth.
At the end of the day, before we know it, we shall fall and parish in our own doings. We shall parish in the holy hell that we created and live in, today.
Evidence? We do have our own civilization and world that we called home now don't we?
You can see now how we discriminate our own kind, between the rich and the poor, powerful and powerless, smart and dummies, courage and cowards and the list goes on. We always have names for other people, have things that we don't like, have things that we think we can correct.
Maybe that's just how life works or we are shaping life as it is to day?
For millennium, in the process of creating our own civilization, we created hell for many people. We created hell for someone's family, father or son, might even be someone's daughter.
We always defend the statement that we civilized people do not handle things in barbaric ways. Civilized humans cant seem to stop harvesting for papers called money. Everything is profitable to us and so we sacrificed nature and things even people around it for the "devil" wealth.
At the end of the day, before we know it, we shall fall and parish in our own doings. We shall parish in the holy hell that we created and live in, today.
Rage
To live and everything around it.
To you and you and you.
To the girls and the boys.
Everyone.
Please, don't dry my patience.
You are not going to like me when I'm not my self.
I will do things that you are not even capable to think of.
Friday, 25 December 2009
If santa exists...
Thursday, 24 December 2009
Tak puas hati...
Semua benda perlukan duit, money that I don't have now.
Like we all now duit itu syaitan.
Tapi sekarang aku perlukan syaitan itu untuk beli laptop dan gitar baru....
Dan aku tak puas hati sebab acoustic guitar yang aku nak, tak akan jadi lebih murah daripada RM2.5k.
Ada yang nak sponsor?
Like we all now duit itu syaitan.
Tapi sekarang aku perlukan syaitan itu untuk beli laptop dan gitar baru....
Dan aku tak puas hati sebab acoustic guitar yang aku nak, tak akan jadi lebih murah daripada RM2.5k.
Ada yang nak sponsor?
Ini sangat memenatkan...
So life is just tough, no matter who you are or what you are. Even if you are a millionaire, life is still tough, you will have millionaire's type of problems.
Pagi ini kehidupan terhenti, tiba-tiba terhenti. Mungkin sebab aku tak sibuk seperti semalam atau hari-hari sebelumnya. All the traveling back and forth to work and back home made me realize one thing, life is still not easy even if we are doing easy things. I have an easy job, paling lama aku kerja hanya empat jam sehari.
Tapi aku masih rasa benda yang aku buat, susah.
Maybe I'm just tired of doing the same thing over and over again or subconsciously I'm making the job hard for myself. Its just my in head maybe.
Atau mungkin...
Sebab aku dah penat kerja tapi duit belum dapat. Ini boleh jadi sebab terbesar.
Note to self: Hang in there ok sayang? I love you.
Pagi ini kehidupan terhenti, tiba-tiba terhenti. Mungkin sebab aku tak sibuk seperti semalam atau hari-hari sebelumnya. All the traveling back and forth to work and back home made me realize one thing, life is still not easy even if we are doing easy things. I have an easy job, paling lama aku kerja hanya empat jam sehari.
Tapi aku masih rasa benda yang aku buat, susah.
Maybe I'm just tired of doing the same thing over and over again or subconsciously I'm making the job hard for myself. Its just my in head maybe.
Atau mungkin...
Sebab aku dah penat kerja tapi duit belum dapat. Ini boleh jadi sebab terbesar.
Note to self: Hang in there ok sayang? I love you.
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
The Joke...
Kawan-kawan aku sedang sibuk kahwin sekarang.
Sebab menurut seorang kawan aku (dia sekarang seorang Bastard):
"You know, behind every great man there's a great woman".
Yeah that's my friend, orang yang dulu tak percaya pada perkahwinan, orang yang rasa semua perempuan just after his money, tapi dia lupa dia tak banyak duit sangat. Okay, dia kaya sebenarnya.
Jadi aku tanya dia balik: "What kind of great are you talking about?"
Tapi dia tak boleh jawab,
because his newly wedded wife was beside him.
You see? Dah tak ada freedom nak cakap pasal benda porno bila dah kahwin kalau ada isteri di sebelah.
Me? I just don't see myself getting married to a girl. Yet. Unless kalau aku jumpa perempuan yang betul.
I know marriage is another phase in life, its not compulsory but necessary?
Sebab menurut seorang kawan aku (dia sekarang seorang Bastard):
"You know, behind every great man there's a great woman".
Yeah that's my friend, orang yang dulu tak percaya pada perkahwinan, orang yang rasa semua perempuan just after his money, tapi dia lupa dia tak banyak duit sangat. Okay, dia kaya sebenarnya.
Jadi aku tanya dia balik: "What kind of great are you talking about?"
Tapi dia tak boleh jawab,
because his newly wedded wife was beside him.
You see? Dah tak ada freedom nak cakap pasal benda porno bila dah kahwin kalau ada isteri di sebelah.
Semantic
Aku masuk ke kelas yang dipenuhi remaja. They are turning 19 next year...
Keluarkan marker pen dan tulis tajuk di atas papan putih, "Semantik".
Pandang ke arah pelajar-pelajar, ada yang anxious nak tahu ada juga yang sibuk dengan telefon bimbit masing-masing. The thing about tuition classes they can do what ever they want...
"Apa itu semantik?", aku tanya kepada kelas. Aku tahu, tiada siapa tahu jawapan kepada soalan itu. It was just a fucking rhetoric.
Semua dengan muka penuh dengan enigma, mungkin preliminary stage of enigma.
Aku diam, pandang tepat ke muka budak-budak itu dan kata.
"Nasi lemak 50 sen... Awak semua tahu apa maksudnya? Cuba bangun dan terangkan".
Yeah, tak sempat terangkan. Satu kelas gelak sampai keluar air mata.
What? I was just talking about a freaking nasi lemak that costs you only 50 sen.
Kan?
Keluarkan marker pen dan tulis tajuk di atas papan putih, "Semantik".
Pandang ke arah pelajar-pelajar, ada yang anxious nak tahu ada juga yang sibuk dengan telefon bimbit masing-masing. The thing about tuition classes they can do what ever they want...
"Apa itu semantik?", aku tanya kepada kelas. Aku tahu, tiada siapa tahu jawapan kepada soalan itu. It was just a fucking rhetoric.
Semua dengan muka penuh dengan enigma, mungkin preliminary stage of enigma.
Aku diam, pandang tepat ke muka budak-budak itu dan kata.
"Nasi lemak 50 sen... Awak semua tahu apa maksudnya? Cuba bangun dan terangkan".
Yeah, tak sempat terangkan. Satu kelas gelak sampai keluar air mata.
What? I was just talking about a freaking nasi lemak that costs you only 50 sen.
Kan?
What I think...
Aku rasa blog ini terlalu bukan-bukan sekarang.
I don't read what I wrote here, but I do remember what I wrote. Jadi lebih kurang sama.
Personally, aku rasa blog sewel ini tak sesuai dibaca oleh minors.
Alasannya,
mungkin nanti tak boleh tidur malam sebab mimpi ngeri yang indah?
Yeah sama macam tragic comedy cuma ini lebih sewel.
I don't read what I wrote here, but I do remember what I wrote. Jadi lebih kurang sama.
Personally, aku rasa blog sewel ini tak sesuai dibaca oleh minors.
Alasannya,
mungkin nanti tak boleh tidur malam sebab mimpi ngeri yang indah?
Yeah sama macam tragic comedy cuma ini lebih sewel.
Tuesday, 22 December 2009
Plain Narcissist?
After a few days of blogwalking...
It seems like people see things that I don't or can't see.
Jadi sekarang aku rasa aku nak jadi narcissistic sedikit.
Like everyone else who likes my blog, all that I can say is, I like my blog too.
Jadi kalau suka biar semua orang click on the advert and jadikan aku kaya so I can buy a new laptop and keep on writing.
You don't mind helping a blog writer who is in need do you?
Okay just kidding...
It seems like people see things that I don't or can't see.
Jadi sekarang aku rasa aku nak jadi narcissistic sedikit.
Like everyone else who likes my blog, all that I can say is, I like my blog too.
Jadi kalau suka biar semua orang click on the advert and jadikan aku kaya so I can buy a new laptop and keep on writing.
You don't mind helping a blog writer who is in need do you?
Okay just kidding...
A visit...
I went to her house the other day, just to say "hi" to her family.
Sekarang semuanya lebih jelas, no more sadness, frustration. Semua yang hilang sudah ada kembali. At least some of it.
Her room is not that gloomy anymore. That 35mm Nikon FM 2 that she used to love is there, right where she left it. The books, pictures that she took everything is there, just like the time when she used to be in this room.
Ayah dia datang pada aku, put his hand on my shoulder:
"You really should let her go, its been a year since she left".
"A year is not that long you know but I guess I'm getting ready to let her go..." aku kata sambil duduk di kerusi yang dia pernah duduk in her room.
Tiba-tiba perasaan itu datang kembali, all the regret, sadness and that shitty feeling...
Tiba-tiba ayat ini terkeluar:
"You think if I move on and found another girl in the process, would the girl die on me too?"
Her dad just stared at me and shook his head...
Aku tahu, its a plain stupid question.
Sekarang semuanya lebih jelas, no more sadness, frustration. Semua yang hilang sudah ada kembali. At least some of it.
Her room is not that gloomy anymore. That 35mm Nikon FM 2 that she used to love is there, right where she left it. The books, pictures that she took everything is there, just like the time when she used to be in this room.
Ayah dia datang pada aku, put his hand on my shoulder:
"You really should let her go, its been a year since she left".
"A year is not that long you know but I guess I'm getting ready to let her go..." aku kata sambil duduk di kerusi yang dia pernah duduk in her room.
Tiba-tiba perasaan itu datang kembali, all the regret, sadness and that shitty feeling...
Tiba-tiba ayat ini terkeluar:
"You think if I move on and found another girl in the process, would the girl die on me too?"
Her dad just stared at me and shook his head...
Aku tahu, its a plain stupid question.
Psycho 101
Aku duduk di tepi taman memerhatikan gelagat orang sekeliling.Perhatikan perempuan-perempuan cantik berjalan.
Sekarang baru aku teringat, my life is full with plural stuff. Girls, girlfriends, scandals and girls, girlfriends and so on. Itu kata kawan aku, dia seorang perempuan atau mungkin dua orang perempuan. Tak, sebenarnya lebih daripada dua...
Aku sedang tunggu kawan lama, nak bincang mengenai keputusan-keputusan dalam hidup. What's right and what's wrong?
In life many of us choose to do things right than doing the right thing.
All of us have our own choices to choose from... But its not necessarily the same. Semua orang ada pilihan, pilihan sendiri yang mungkin sama, mungkin juga tak sama.
The fundamental choice that we can make is whether we should live or not. Dalam hal ini kita semua ada pilihan yang sama... Hidup atau tidak? All depends on how you look at life, evaluate things and ultimately how you think and feel about life, your life.
If we have a lot to choose from in life, then why can't we choose for the best?
Because life is full with uncertainties or shall I say infinite uncertainties.
Dan bila kawan aku sampai, aku tanya dia:
"What should I do, if I can't do things? I quit my job well one of my job".
Dia pandang aku dan senyum:
"Yang kau nak berlagak mat salleh lebih daripada aku, siap cakap English bagai ni kenapa? Dah tak sedar Melayu?"
"Okay kita cakap Melayu..."
Dia jawab soalan aku:
"Tapi untuk jawapan itu aku kena cakap English juga, susah nak translate dalam bahasa Melayu, bunyi tak sedap. Simple, If you can't do it, give up! Itu pun aku nak kena ajar".
Yeah lelaki yang aku jumpa di taman itu adalah Freud.
Macam biasa, you know the drill. It was just a fucking dream.
Sekarang baru aku teringat, my life is full with plural stuff. Girls, girlfriends, scandals and girls, girlfriends and so on. Itu kata kawan aku, dia seorang perempuan atau mungkin dua orang perempuan. Tak, sebenarnya lebih daripada dua...
Aku sedang tunggu kawan lama, nak bincang mengenai keputusan-keputusan dalam hidup. What's right and what's wrong?
In life many of us choose to do things right than doing the right thing.
All of us have our own choices to choose from... But its not necessarily the same. Semua orang ada pilihan, pilihan sendiri yang mungkin sama, mungkin juga tak sama.
The fundamental choice that we can make is whether we should live or not. Dalam hal ini kita semua ada pilihan yang sama... Hidup atau tidak? All depends on how you look at life, evaluate things and ultimately how you think and feel about life, your life.
If we have a lot to choose from in life, then why can't we choose for the best?
Because life is full with uncertainties or shall I say infinite uncertainties.
Dan bila kawan aku sampai, aku tanya dia:
"What should I do, if I can't do things? I quit my job well one of my job".
Dia pandang aku dan senyum:
"Yang kau nak berlagak mat salleh lebih daripada aku, siap cakap English bagai ni kenapa? Dah tak sedar Melayu?"
"Okay kita cakap Melayu..."
Dia jawab soalan aku:
"Tapi untuk jawapan itu aku kena cakap English juga, susah nak translate dalam bahasa Melayu, bunyi tak sedap. Simple, If you can't do it, give up! Itu pun aku nak kena ajar".
Yeah lelaki yang aku jumpa di taman itu adalah Freud.
Macam biasa, you know the drill. It was just a fucking dream.
Lesson Number One
If you just started with a guitar, I mean playing the guitar of course... There are a few things that you have to keep in mind.
Your guitar is just like your partner. Mungkin teman lelaki atau teman wanita or your gay partner walaupun aku tak pernah jumpa guitarist gay.
Perlu jaga gitar itu betul-betul, just like you care about you partner be it a girl or boy.
Play it real gently and if you own an electric guitar you can make her scream... Trust me, its fun.
Jangan lupa, because you guitar is your partner and the best thing is this is the only partner that will make sound depending on how you play it. Partner yang lain? They will just make their own sound...
Yeah because you guitar is your partner too, you don't stick some fucking stickers all over it. Not even the pick holder.
Kau nak ke lekat benda-benda tu dekat teman wanita atau teman lelaki kau?
Seksi ke letak sticker dekat lelaki atau perempuan kau?
Your guitar is just like your partner. Mungkin teman lelaki atau teman wanita or your gay partner walaupun aku tak pernah jumpa guitarist gay.
Perlu jaga gitar itu betul-betul, just like you care about you partner be it a girl or boy.
Play it real gently and if you own an electric guitar you can make her scream... Trust me, its fun.
Jangan lupa, because you guitar is your partner and the best thing is this is the only partner that will make sound depending on how you play it. Partner yang lain? They will just make their own sound...
Yeah because you guitar is your partner too, you don't stick some fucking stickers all over it. Not even the pick holder.
Kau nak ke lekat benda-benda tu dekat teman wanita atau teman lelaki kau?
Seksi ke letak sticker dekat lelaki atau perempuan kau?
Monday, 21 December 2009
Petanda
Semalam aku jumpa seorang kawan... And old friend.
Dia bagi aku buku, something about Islam.
Hari ini aku pergi tutor anak orang, talked about the religion since the father is an ustaz.
Dia bagi aku Quran.
This is a sign, mungkin.
Cut down the devil in me dan kurangkan menulis benda-benda yang sia-sia?
Nanti dulu.
Dia bagi aku buku, something about Islam.
Hari ini aku pergi tutor anak orang, talked about the religion since the father is an ustaz.
Dia bagi aku Quran.
This is a sign, mungkin.
Cut down the devil in me dan kurangkan menulis benda-benda yang sia-sia?
Nanti dulu.
I know why I am single...
Its always about the past. Aku ingat nak quote Freud sepupu Nietzsche anak buah kepada Maslow tapi aku tak ingat apa yang dia kata about the past.
Yeah I know the three of you are going to come after me.
I've met a girls through out the years, with various characteristics... Yang tak ada, perempuan neurotic macam aku. Tunggu, mungkin ada seorang tapi dia kurang sakit otak.
Jadi aku perasan kenapa aku single, it has got something to do with me not liking cats.
Aku tak suka kucing, sebab semua kucing aku mengada-ngada.
Mungkin aku masih single juga kerana kebanyakan perempuan yang aku jumpa mengada-ngada?
No offence, I know... No girl would ever want to date me after this or is it just some girl(s)?
Yeah I know the three of you are going to come after me.
I've met a girls through out the years, with various characteristics... Yang tak ada, perempuan neurotic macam aku. Tunggu, mungkin ada seorang tapi dia kurang sakit otak.
Jadi aku perasan kenapa aku single, it has got something to do with me not liking cats.
Aku tak suka kucing, sebab semua kucing aku mengada-ngada.
Mungkin aku masih single juga kerana kebanyakan perempuan yang aku jumpa mengada-ngada?
No offence, I know... No girl would ever want to date me after this or is it just some girl(s)?
Holy crap...
69
Followers...
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Are you?
Yeah they are just numbers.
Sunday, 20 December 2009
Anatomy...
Jalan-jalan dan terjumpa ayam goreng. I don't know why but I have this weird desire for fried chicken and it has been a few weeks now.
So I bought a drumstick and two breasts, chicken breast.
Aku dan seorang kawan jalan lagi sambil tu aku makan ayam-ayam yang aku beli tadi.
Dia tanya:
"Can't you at least wait until we reach home? Why beli dua dada and satu peha?"
Sambil makan, aku jawab:
"No I can't, tak tahan tengok ayam ni... Because I like breast more than drumstick? Lagipun you know how close we are to breasts, don't you?"
Dia dengan muka jijik kata:
"Ahh sudah lah you...."
Its true right? Men like breasts and chicken or shall I say chicks?
So I bought a drumstick and two breasts, chicken breast.
Aku dan seorang kawan jalan lagi sambil tu aku makan ayam-ayam yang aku beli tadi.
Dia tanya:
"Can't you at least wait until we reach home? Why beli dua dada and satu peha?"
Sambil makan, aku jawab:
"No I can't, tak tahan tengok ayam ni... Because I like breast more than drumstick? Lagipun you know how close we are to breasts, don't you?"
Dia dengan muka jijik kata:
"Ahh sudah lah you...."
Its true right? Men like breasts and chicken or shall I say chicks?
Lesson in life 101... Kononnya.
Aku dikelilingi oleh kawan yang memang suka mencarut, aku mencarut bermusim. Ada musim carutan akan tumbuh macam cendawan dari bibir aku. But most of the time, aku baik. Tak percaya tanya dia... Yeah dia.
Bertahun-tahun aku berhadapan dengan golongan pencarut tegar ini and I developed my counter curse or something like that.
I wrote about this matter in my old posts that I deleted, tapi yang ini ada penambahan.
If a person says "Fuck you" to me I would say "Which position?".
A girl who read my blog asked me something about this.
"What if I say, I'm on top and you are at the bottom?"
Aku tak boleh nak kata apa other than:
"You should turn 18 first".
What do you expect? The girl was 14...
Bertahun-tahun aku berhadapan dengan golongan pencarut tegar ini and I developed my counter curse or something like that.
I wrote about this matter in my old posts that I deleted, tapi yang ini ada penambahan.
If a person says "Fuck you" to me I would say "Which position?".
A girl who read my blog asked me something about this.
"What if I say, I'm on top and you are at the bottom?"
Aku tak boleh nak kata apa other than:
"You should turn 18 first".
What do you expect? The girl was 14...
Carpe Diem?
Hidup ini penuh dengan paradoks, ironi, orang-orang yang rasa dia boleh selamatkan dunia dan betulkan orang lain dan benda-benda yang tak masuk akal tapi tidak mustahil.
Itu dunia, tempat kau dan aku tinggal. We live in here or its more like, we are trying our best to live in here.
Semua orang lihat ke arah langit dan nampak semua benda yang ada di dunia. Wang, material dan nafsu... Ada pilihan, mahu tolak atau terima? Ada perasaan, rindu, cinta, mahu dan jemu...
Ada kau dan ada aku...
That's life. Akhirnya akan hanya akan menyebabkan kita mengalami satu keadaan yang aku tak pasti semua orang rasa. Mungkin belum rasa, tak akan rasa atau tak sempat rasa.
Life is an endless process of searching for your soul, life, love, money and whatnot...
Kadang-kadang, sebab terlalu banyak benda dalam hidup, kita akan rasa...
Penat...
Penat nak tunggu duit cukup untuk laptop baru dan gitar baru.
Penat tunggu perempuan yang macam pelarian syurga untuk datang kepada aku dan kata dia, well aku tak tahu apa yang dia akan kata. Sebab dia pelarian syurga...
Itu dunia, tempat kau dan aku tinggal. We live in here or its more like, we are trying our best to live in here.
Semua orang lihat ke arah langit dan nampak semua benda yang ada di dunia. Wang, material dan nafsu... Ada pilihan, mahu tolak atau terima? Ada perasaan, rindu, cinta, mahu dan jemu...
Ada kau dan ada aku...
That's life. Akhirnya akan hanya akan menyebabkan kita mengalami satu keadaan yang aku tak pasti semua orang rasa. Mungkin belum rasa, tak akan rasa atau tak sempat rasa.
Life is an endless process of searching for your soul, life, love, money and whatnot...
Kadang-kadang, sebab terlalu banyak benda dalam hidup, kita akan rasa...
Penat...
Penat nak tunggu duit cukup untuk laptop baru dan gitar baru.
Penat tunggu perempuan yang macam pelarian syurga untuk datang kepada aku dan kata dia, well aku tak tahu apa yang dia akan kata. Sebab dia pelarian syurga...
Saturday, 19 December 2009
Statement of the year?
She said that, I'm hard to get and hard to keep.
Should I change that?
Nahh not yet...
Okay nak buat penambahan. Jika ada yang rasa aku patut tukar atau dia mampu buat aku tukar.
Simple.
Sila email....
Okay nak buat penambahan. Jika ada yang rasa aku patut tukar atau dia mampu buat aku tukar.
Simple.
Sila email....
They are all heading toward a place....
People around me makes me feel that I'm old, old enough to have a family with a perfect wife and four children.
Yang tak ada cuma perfect wife and you know the four children will come after some good time with the perfect wife.
Aku rasa dah tua sebab aku kawan dengan orang-orang tua, some of them are even dead. Sekarang, ada dua orang daripada kawan aku sedang kelam kabut nak kahwin.
Well they found a girl, who they can be with without being other than themselves. Tak perlu hipokrit, boleh kentut masa duduk semeja. Semua tak ada masalah.
Thing is, setiap kali aku pergi wedding reception kawan-kawan aku, tak kira lelaki atau perempuan especially the close ones atau mungkin perempuan itu dulu pernah jadi teman wanita aku. Aku perlu bawa seorang perempuan, beri ucapan dan dipaksa menyanyi sambil memetik gitar.
Celaka.
All of them found their soul mates and now they want to drag me along in to this mess.
Jadi aku perlu cari mana-mana kawan perempuan dan bawa. Next, aku perlu beri ucapan and seriously they don't mind about the crappy and cynical stuff that I say.
Akhir sekali, aku akan dipaksa naik ke pentas with a guitar and sing, any song would do.
Jadi minggu depan, aku akan buat pembaharuan.
I'm going to take that guitar, go up that stage dan nyanyi lagu...
Siti Nurhaliza. I don't know which one yet, tapi aku akan cari lagu yang sesuai. So the next time they ask me to sing, they would have to think twice.
Yang tak ada cuma perfect wife and you know the four children will come after some good time with the perfect wife.
Aku rasa dah tua sebab aku kawan dengan orang-orang tua, some of them are even dead. Sekarang, ada dua orang daripada kawan aku sedang kelam kabut nak kahwin.
Well they found a girl, who they can be with without being other than themselves. Tak perlu hipokrit, boleh kentut masa duduk semeja. Semua tak ada masalah.
Thing is, setiap kali aku pergi wedding reception kawan-kawan aku, tak kira lelaki atau perempuan especially the close ones atau mungkin perempuan itu dulu pernah jadi teman wanita aku. Aku perlu bawa seorang perempuan, beri ucapan dan dipaksa menyanyi sambil memetik gitar.
Celaka.
All of them found their soul mates and now they want to drag me along in to this mess.
Jadi aku perlu cari mana-mana kawan perempuan dan bawa. Next, aku perlu beri ucapan and seriously they don't mind about the crappy and cynical stuff that I say.
Akhir sekali, aku akan dipaksa naik ke pentas with a guitar and sing, any song would do.
Jadi minggu depan, aku akan buat pembaharuan.
I'm going to take that guitar, go up that stage dan nyanyi lagu...
Siti Nurhaliza. I don't know which one yet, tapi aku akan cari lagu yang sesuai. So the next time they ask me to sing, they would have to think twice.
Example...
Was out with the family today, saja nak lepaskan stress. Melihat dunia luar adalah satu daripada terapi yang bagus.
Its fun watching the way people behave and its fun too, to behave weirdly in public.
Aku rasa perempuan di McD yang berdiri dibelakang aku dengan muka Pan-Asian dan baju pink tak kisah sangat dengan perangai pelik aku. Oh aku tak minta nombor telefon dia. Rugi.
Then, my youngest brother, macam orang hilang akal minta aku bawa dia naik LRT. You know kids, they love stuff like that.
Jadi aku bawa dia naik train. Yes I'm that kind of brother...
Berhenti dia satu stesen dan ada tiga orang perempuan with eye catching outfit, when I mean eye catching yeah I mean eye catching.
Dia pandang budak lelaki berusia 5 tahun yang berdiri di sebelah aku. Girls, they like cute creatures, especially kids. Well not all girls...
One of the girls suddenly took my brother's hand and said: "Jom ikut kakak balik nak?".
Aku pandang perempuan itu dan... Tak boleh nak buat apa, terpaksa tahan diri daripada kata:
"Maybe you should take me home first then we'll discuss about my brother".
I can't show that kind of stuff to my youngest brother... Not yet.
Mungkin lain kali, aku perlu bawa seorang budak kecil untuk score chicks.
Keji sedikit but it works.
Its fun watching the way people behave and its fun too, to behave weirdly in public.
Aku rasa perempuan di McD yang berdiri dibelakang aku dengan muka Pan-Asian dan baju pink tak kisah sangat dengan perangai pelik aku. Oh aku tak minta nombor telefon dia. Rugi.
Then, my youngest brother, macam orang hilang akal minta aku bawa dia naik LRT. You know kids, they love stuff like that.
Jadi aku bawa dia naik train. Yes I'm that kind of brother...
Berhenti dia satu stesen dan ada tiga orang perempuan with eye catching outfit, when I mean eye catching yeah I mean eye catching.
Dia pandang budak lelaki berusia 5 tahun yang berdiri di sebelah aku. Girls, they like cute creatures, especially kids. Well not all girls...
One of the girls suddenly took my brother's hand and said: "Jom ikut kakak balik nak?".
Aku pandang perempuan itu dan... Tak boleh nak buat apa, terpaksa tahan diri daripada kata:
"Maybe you should take me home first then we'll discuss about my brother".
I can't show that kind of stuff to my youngest brother... Not yet.
Mungkin lain kali, aku perlu bawa seorang budak kecil untuk score chicks.
Keji sedikit but it works.
Friday, 18 December 2009
Currently...
Seperti yang semua orang tahu, aku seorang lelaki...
Lelaki yang simple, simple in my way but complicated to others.Benda normal...
Sekarang aku tak cari benda yang bukan-bukan, a very simple thing.
Aku sedang cari perempuan yang mampu buat jantung aku berdegup 120bpm walaupun aku dalam keadaan statik.
Very simple right?
Ada sukarela yang mahu mencuba?
Lelaki yang simple, simple in my way but complicated to others.Benda normal...
Sekarang aku tak cari benda yang bukan-bukan, a very simple thing.
Aku sedang cari perempuan yang mampu buat jantung aku berdegup 120bpm walaupun aku dalam keadaan statik.
Very simple right?
Ada sukarela yang mahu mencuba?
A simple question without an answer....
Kalau kau jadi cikgu, you'll repeat the same verse over and over again.
"If you have anything that you don't understand, just ask".
Itu tak ada masalah though there are some students who hesitate much and don't even ask me anything. Though they don't understand a word that came out of my mouth.
Sekarang we are all in the blog world.
And its my turn to ask question, just a question, a very simple one.
Sampai sekarang aku masih tak faham, kenapa orang follow blog sendiri? After years of blogging I still can't figure out the answer...
"If you have anything that you don't understand, just ask".
Itu tak ada masalah though there are some students who hesitate much and don't even ask me anything. Though they don't understand a word that came out of my mouth.
Sekarang we are all in the blog world.
And its my turn to ask question, just a question, a very simple one.
Sampai sekarang aku masih tak faham, kenapa orang follow blog sendiri? After years of blogging I still can't figure out the answer...
Toy
Aku duduk di tepi, melihat kawan-kawan sedang sibuk dengan hiburan mereka. They were bloody drunk, this time they are on their own. Aku nak balik.
Went to the dance floor, was telling one of my sober friend that I'm going to head home.
Tiba-tiba... Ada suara dibelakang telinga aku and the voice was sexy, obviously suara perempuan dan dia tengah mabuk.
She said: "Baby, can I try you?"
She was blind and wasted that's it.
Dan aku kata dengan ringkas: "Only if you could find the "try me" button?".
She was drunk okay...
Went to the dance floor, was telling one of my sober friend that I'm going to head home.
Tiba-tiba... Ada suara dibelakang telinga aku and the voice was sexy, obviously suara perempuan dan dia tengah mabuk.
She said: "Baby, can I try you?"
She was blind and wasted that's it.
Dan aku kata dengan ringkas: "Only if you could find the "try me" button?".
She was drunk okay...
Thursday, 17 December 2009
Its a coincidental conspiracy...
Aku sedang kemas buku-buku aku.... Buku yang aku kumpul sejak umur 11 tahun, tak banyak sebab aku tak kaya. And buying books could make you poor or maybe just me. Make me poor.
Malam tadi, Henry jumpa aku... Dia marah: "Mana buku yang aku tulis tu?"
Aku baru teringat ada beberapa orang manusia bergelar perempuan pinjam buku aku dan tak pulangkan lagi. I'm not going to ask them about it anymore. Aku akan beli yang baru.
Thing is, I went out the other day, went to all three bookstores in Mutiara Damansara.
Tapi semua buku yang aku cari termasuk Tropic of Cancer by Miller, either memang tak ada dekat tempat itu atau out of stock. Including Immortality by Kundera.
So what the fuck is all this? Dah la pinjam buku aku tak pulangkan, siap hasut kedai-kedai buku supaya jangan jual buku-buku itu kepada aku?
After this I'm going to buy a bookshelf with a lock and alarm system. Mungkin siap dengan binary fingerprint scanner.
And I'm going to use my middle finger to access the lock instead of thumb.
Malam tadi, Henry jumpa aku... Dia marah: "Mana buku yang aku tulis tu?"
Aku baru teringat ada beberapa orang manusia bergelar perempuan pinjam buku aku dan tak pulangkan lagi. I'm not going to ask them about it anymore. Aku akan beli yang baru.
Thing is, I went out the other day, went to all three bookstores in Mutiara Damansara.
Tapi semua buku yang aku cari termasuk Tropic of Cancer by Miller, either memang tak ada dekat tempat itu atau out of stock. Including Immortality by Kundera.
So what the fuck is all this? Dah la pinjam buku aku tak pulangkan, siap hasut kedai-kedai buku supaya jangan jual buku-buku itu kepada aku?
After this I'm going to buy a bookshelf with a lock and alarm system. Mungkin siap dengan binary fingerprint scanner.
And I'm going to use my middle finger to access the lock instead of thumb.
Krisis
Aku dah beritahu bahawa aku ada masalah dengan matematik or dia ada masalah dengan aku...
Here goes.
I was talking to a child's father, my student to be precise. He asked about his daughter English class duration, how many hours per week and how many times a week stuff like that.
Jadi aku terangkan.
"Anak encik akan attend classes dua kali seminggu, satu jam setengah satu sesi..."
Dia balas: "Oh ok jadi hari seterusnya bila?"
"Itu kami akan inform nanti sebab kena reschedule semua supaya tak bertindih dengan class dia yang lain".
"Okay, jadi berapa jam dalam sebulan kelas dia ya?"
Aku fikir dan jawab: "Seminggu ada tiga jam jadi three times four, semua ada 120jam"
Aku tak faham kenapa otak aku sanggup malukan aku macam tu?
Here goes.
I was talking to a child's father, my student to be precise. He asked about his daughter English class duration, how many hours per week and how many times a week stuff like that.
Jadi aku terangkan.
"Anak encik akan attend classes dua kali seminggu, satu jam setengah satu sesi..."
Dia balas: "Oh ok jadi hari seterusnya bila?"
"Itu kami akan inform nanti sebab kena reschedule semua supaya tak bertindih dengan class dia yang lain".
"Okay, jadi berapa jam dalam sebulan kelas dia ya?"
Aku fikir dan jawab: "Seminggu ada tiga jam jadi three times four, semua ada 120jam"
Aku tak faham kenapa otak aku sanggup malukan aku macam tu?
Was just being concern, pseudo concern...
I was sitting at a place, where you mothers warned you not to go.
Tapi ramai yang pergi termasuk aku... Budak yang dekat belakang tu, jangan nak deny, aku nampak kau menari dengan lelaki mat salleh tu.
I was observing some girls most probably they haven't even reached 18. Mungkin budak sekolah with strong connections, with lots of money and fancy cars. Baru lepas SPM and got a taste of freedom or at least a fraction of it. What they don't know is, freedom is still a long way for them. They are just experiencing a phase in life, just another phase.
Aku jalan dan pergi duduk di sebelah seorang budak perempuan, beautiful looking underage girl.
She looked at me and smile, she was drunk I can tell. After a few shots of this and that, she is now sitting while her friends are on the dance floor dancing like mad. Maybe they had three rounds of absinthe. That thing could make you strip yourself naked and dance in front of your parents, they'll make a very good audience if they don't kill you first.
Dia tanya: "Why would a guy like you be alone in a club? Not into girls or something?".
Aku: "No, I am into girls. Its just that girls, they are not interested with a guy like me".
"Why?"
Aku bercakap di tepi telinga dia, agak menjerit sedikit: "No reason, maybe that's just how life works?"
This girl is underage and she loves to drink. Dia senyap, sambil aku teguk saki-baki air daripada gelas, aku kata pada dia:
"I had a girlfriend just like you, you know. Full of life or that's what she thought, full of life and live life to the fullest".
Dia pandang aku dan tanya: "Really? What happen to her?"
Dengan muka stoic: "She is dead, maybe you'll end up just like her if you don't stop now".
Yeah I like being freaky, wait, I am freaky.
Some advice huh?
Tapi ramai yang pergi termasuk aku... Budak yang dekat belakang tu, jangan nak deny, aku nampak kau menari dengan lelaki mat salleh tu.
I was observing some girls most probably they haven't even reached 18. Mungkin budak sekolah with strong connections, with lots of money and fancy cars. Baru lepas SPM and got a taste of freedom or at least a fraction of it. What they don't know is, freedom is still a long way for them. They are just experiencing a phase in life, just another phase.
Aku jalan dan pergi duduk di sebelah seorang budak perempuan, beautiful looking underage girl.
She looked at me and smile, she was drunk I can tell. After a few shots of this and that, she is now sitting while her friends are on the dance floor dancing like mad. Maybe they had three rounds of absinthe. That thing could make you strip yourself naked and dance in front of your parents, they'll make a very good audience if they don't kill you first.
Dia tanya: "Why would a guy like you be alone in a club? Not into girls or something?".
Aku: "No, I am into girls. Its just that girls, they are not interested with a guy like me".
"Why?"
Aku bercakap di tepi telinga dia, agak menjerit sedikit: "No reason, maybe that's just how life works?"
This girl is underage and she loves to drink. Dia senyap, sambil aku teguk saki-baki air daripada gelas, aku kata pada dia:
"I had a girlfriend just like you, you know. Full of life or that's what she thought, full of life and live life to the fullest".
Dia pandang aku dan tanya: "Really? What happen to her?"
Dengan muka stoic: "She is dead, maybe you'll end up just like her if you don't stop now".
Yeah I like being freaky, wait, I am freaky.
Some advice huh?
Kepada perempuan comel dan panas?
Status YM: Sedang sibuk bandage hati sendiri...
Girl: "Kenapa bandage hati sendiri?"
Aku: "I don't know, its bleeding. Maybe I'm not good when it comes to taking care of my own heart. Sebab tu I need some one to take care of it for me".
So anyone willing to take care of it?
The old owner already gave up, so need a new owner for it.
Ah thought so, tak ada orang sanggup.
Girl: "Kenapa bandage hati sendiri?"
Aku: "I don't know, its bleeding. Maybe I'm not good when it comes to taking care of my own heart. Sebab tu I need some one to take care of it for me".
So anyone willing to take care of it?
The old owner already gave up, so need a new owner for it.
Ah thought so, tak ada orang sanggup.
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Between talents and gift lies insanity
Did I mentioned earlier that I love this blog? Aku tahu narcissistic, kalau aku tak sayang blog ini siapa lagi nak sayang kan?
Blog ini membesar selama 1 tahun 6 bulan dengan aku. Tapi aku padam semua, well not exactly padam, cuma extract semuanya untuk editing dan republish. Kononnya mengasah bakat jadi editor? Penyenggama teks? Text fucker? Whatever...
Ramai orang tanya aku bila aku nak menulis novel or at least a short story to be published. Kononnya I can be like Ahadiat Akashah dan aku baru kenal siapa Ahadiat Akashah a few months ago.
Look at it this way, bila aku rasa ada sesuatu yang tidak betul, aku akan ambil langkah untuk betulkan benda itu.
If I sense that something is wrong with my writing, I will correct it.
Aku dah bakar semua writings and songs aku... Just a way to correct it atau mungkin aku gila sikit masa tu.
Jadi kalau aku publish apa yang aku tulis, ada chances that aku akan bakar juga.
Kan membazir kertas? Lagipun terlalu banyak buku untuk aku bakar bila dah publish, air pollution.
Told you that I'm some kind of environmentalist and neurotic guy.
Maybe I'm just not that talented and gifted to write a novel.
Blog ini membesar selama 1 tahun 6 bulan dengan aku. Tapi aku padam semua, well not exactly padam, cuma extract semuanya untuk editing dan republish. Kononnya mengasah bakat jadi editor? Penyenggama teks? Text fucker? Whatever...
Ramai orang tanya aku bila aku nak menulis novel or at least a short story to be published. Kononnya I can be like Ahadiat Akashah dan aku baru kenal siapa Ahadiat Akashah a few months ago.
Look at it this way, bila aku rasa ada sesuatu yang tidak betul, aku akan ambil langkah untuk betulkan benda itu.
If I sense that something is wrong with my writing, I will correct it.
Aku dah bakar semua writings and songs aku... Just a way to correct it atau mungkin aku gila sikit masa tu.
Jadi kalau aku publish apa yang aku tulis, ada chances that aku akan bakar juga.
Kan membazir kertas? Lagipun terlalu banyak buku untuk aku bakar bila dah publish, air pollution.
Told you that I'm some kind of environmentalist and neurotic guy.
Maybe I'm just not that talented and gifted to write a novel.
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
At least I got to do it here...
Orang kata blog baru aku tak cool. Sebab tulisan merah dan background hitam...
Macam ah-long simbah cat dekat rumah orang, darah ayam dan macam-macam lagi.
But personally, I like black and red.
Lagipun aku dulu bercita-cita nak jadi gothic, baru dan seluar hitam kemudian tali leher merah. Tapi tak dapat, kalau aku pakai macam tu aku rasa sense of culture aku terhina.
Jadi aku pendamkan...
Lagipun its going to be weird for a teacher to wear like that... Aku tak mahu lahirkan anak-anak gothic. Bayangkan apa akan terjadi kalau perdana menteri Malaysia yang ke 18 atau 27 pakai black skinny jeans, body fit long sleeve shirt dan bercelak or in some cases with some lipstick?
Bloody horrific.
Macam ah-long simbah cat dekat rumah orang, darah ayam dan macam-macam lagi.
But personally, I like black and red.
Lagipun aku dulu bercita-cita nak jadi gothic, baru dan seluar hitam kemudian tali leher merah. Tapi tak dapat, kalau aku pakai macam tu aku rasa sense of culture aku terhina.
Jadi aku pendamkan...
Lagipun its going to be weird for a teacher to wear like that... Aku tak mahu lahirkan anak-anak gothic. Bayangkan apa akan terjadi kalau perdana menteri Malaysia yang ke 18 atau 27 pakai black skinny jeans, body fit long sleeve shirt dan bercelak or in some cases with some lipstick?
Bloody horrific.
New opportunity...
Memandangkan dunia sekarang perlukan duit.
I need money to buy that new laptop and guitar...
Aku ada business baru.
.
.
.
.
.
Aku akan buka ruangan kentut berbayar.
RM 1 per session.
Kentut without hesitation, kentut all you want.
Good deal kan?
I need money to buy that new laptop and guitar...
Aku ada business baru.
.
.
.
.
.
Aku akan buka ruangan kentut berbayar.
RM 1 per session.
Kentut without hesitation, kentut all you want.
Good deal kan?
Monday, 14 December 2009
Memilih...
Kita manusia, ya aku dan kau... Manusia.
Kita ada perasaan. Sayang, rindu dan segala benda jiwang yang boleh buat Cassanova muntah darah dalam kubur.
Kadang-kadang kita terpaksa tahan perasaan kita untuk sesuatu... Walaupun sakit, perit, berdarah. Tapi sebab kita pilih untuk tahan, kita tahan. Endurance, mungkin itu perkataan yang tepat. Tak kira macam-mana rasanya hidup kiita harus hadapi kerana kita tiada pilihan. Mungkin ada cuma kita tak mahu pilih jalan yang salah dan teruskan hidup.
Dalam perkara lain juga kita ada pilihan, masalah emosi kerana orang lain... Kerana teman lelaki atau wanita, kita boleh pilih sama ada mahu tinggalkan semua dan mulakan daripada kosong kemudian petak satu seterusnya hidup sebagai orang yang baru. Tapi mungkin ada diantara kita memilih untuk tidak memilih kerana sebab terentu.
Jika kau tanya aku apa aku rasa sekarang?
Aku akan kata bahawa,
dagu dan bawah hidung aku gatal. Janggut dan misai dah panjang. I need a fucking shave. NOW.
Kita ada perasaan. Sayang, rindu dan segala benda jiwang yang boleh buat Cassanova muntah darah dalam kubur.
Kadang-kadang kita terpaksa tahan perasaan kita untuk sesuatu... Walaupun sakit, perit, berdarah. Tapi sebab kita pilih untuk tahan, kita tahan. Endurance, mungkin itu perkataan yang tepat. Tak kira macam-mana rasanya hidup kiita harus hadapi kerana kita tiada pilihan. Mungkin ada cuma kita tak mahu pilih jalan yang salah dan teruskan hidup.
Dalam perkara lain juga kita ada pilihan, masalah emosi kerana orang lain... Kerana teman lelaki atau wanita, kita boleh pilih sama ada mahu tinggalkan semua dan mulakan daripada kosong kemudian petak satu seterusnya hidup sebagai orang yang baru. Tapi mungkin ada diantara kita memilih untuk tidak memilih kerana sebab terentu.
Jika kau tanya aku apa aku rasa sekarang?
Aku akan kata bahawa,
dagu dan bawah hidung aku gatal. Janggut dan misai dah panjang. I need a fucking shave. NOW.
Sacred bond, at last.
A friend of mine, seorang anarchist, nihilist, narcissist dan segala-galanya.
Dia baru kahwin dua bulan lepas. Thing is this is the guy, who before he is married to this girl, always preach on how women will make my life miserable.
"Marriage is the biggest mistake in life. So if you are planning to get married anytime soon, think again. Its actually a trick, you'll only find yourself attached to a boring girl every morning you wake up".
He also said, waking up beside the same girl or maybe woman every morning is boring. Katanya dalam hidup lelaki perlu ada pilihan berterusan... Macam kucing, ini aku yang tambah.
Dia beritahu aku dia tiba-tiba nampak cahaya dan terus kahwin, of course the girl is really not bad.
It all started bila dia beri nasihat kepada budak perempuan itu, well not exactly budak. Perempuan just perempuan.
And he said:
"Enough crying, find yourself the right person and make sure you love that bastard and that bastard loves you too".
Well what do you know, he is that bastard.
On his wedding, aku beri ucapan and quoted the old man Socrates said:
"My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher".
Dia baru kahwin dua bulan lepas. Thing is this is the guy, who before he is married to this girl, always preach on how women will make my life miserable.
"Marriage is the biggest mistake in life. So if you are planning to get married anytime soon, think again. Its actually a trick, you'll only find yourself attached to a boring girl every morning you wake up".
He also said, waking up beside the same girl or maybe woman every morning is boring. Katanya dalam hidup lelaki perlu ada pilihan berterusan... Macam kucing, ini aku yang tambah.
Dia beritahu aku dia tiba-tiba nampak cahaya dan terus kahwin, of course the girl is really not bad.
It all started bila dia beri nasihat kepada budak perempuan itu, well not exactly budak. Perempuan just perempuan.
And he said:
"Enough crying, find yourself the right person and make sure you love that bastard and that bastard loves you too".
Well what do you know, he is that bastard.
On his wedding, aku beri ucapan and quoted the old man Socrates said:
"My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher".
Sunday, 13 December 2009
Sesi pertama penuh dengan budak bawah umur yang keliru...
Aku mengajar sekumpulan budak sekolah rendah yang masih keliru dengan hidup, cuma mereka tak tahu mereka keliru, yet.
Started the class with some questions, about English. A very simple question.
"Class can someone tell me what is grammar?"
Semua orang senyap dan pandang satu sama lain...
"Anyone? Okay you (sambil menunjuk kepada seorang budak lelaki yang sedang keliru), tell me what is grammar?"
Dia bangun dan dengan penuh keengganan tapi masih ada keyakinan menjawab.
"Grammar is, nenek".
See, all confused. Mungkin dia ingat grammar tu grandma...
Its going to be a long, very long year.
Started the class with some questions, about English. A very simple question.
"Class can someone tell me what is grammar?"
Semua orang senyap dan pandang satu sama lain...
"Anyone? Okay you (sambil menunjuk kepada seorang budak lelaki yang sedang keliru), tell me what is grammar?"
Dia bangun dan dengan penuh keengganan tapi masih ada keyakinan menjawab.
"Grammar is, nenek".
See, all confused. Mungkin dia ingat grammar tu grandma...
Its going to be a long, very long year.
Au Revoir!
At last I'm out...
Aku tak pasti jika ini normal, tapi aku gembira bila The Boss dapat orang lain untuk gantikan aku. Macam seluruh menara Babel di angkat dari atas kepala. Imagine how heavy Tower of Babel is?
It was that easy, aku tak perlu beri alasan macam setengah orang tu. Mak sakit, nak sambung belajar, dapat offer kerja lain and other kind of shit...
Aku cuma kata that the work is simply too hard for me to handle and that's it.
I'm not giving up cuma aku tak mahu menyusahkan diri... If I accepted the job, sama maknanya macam aku beri jaminan kepada The Boss bahawa aku boleh perform. Then if aku tak boleh perform The Boss will blame me. I don't want that to happen.
Nasib baik dia bagi aku lepaskan jawatan itu. Kalau tak aku akan bagi dia alasan yang dia tak akan boleh tolak dan mahu atau tidak dia mesti.
"I want to quit this job boss, because I miss my mom whenever I'm at work".
Confirm dia tak mampu tolak resignation aku.
Aku tak pasti jika ini normal, tapi aku gembira bila The Boss dapat orang lain untuk gantikan aku. Macam seluruh menara Babel di angkat dari atas kepala. Imagine how heavy Tower of Babel is?
It was that easy, aku tak perlu beri alasan macam setengah orang tu. Mak sakit, nak sambung belajar, dapat offer kerja lain and other kind of shit...
Aku cuma kata that the work is simply too hard for me to handle and that's it.
I'm not giving up cuma aku tak mahu menyusahkan diri... If I accepted the job, sama maknanya macam aku beri jaminan kepada The Boss bahawa aku boleh perform. Then if aku tak boleh perform The Boss will blame me. I don't want that to happen.
Nasib baik dia bagi aku lepaskan jawatan itu. Kalau tak aku akan bagi dia alasan yang dia tak akan boleh tolak dan mahu atau tidak dia mesti.
"I want to quit this job boss, because I miss my mom whenever I'm at work".
Confirm dia tak mampu tolak resignation aku.
A little thing about giving up
Giving up to a guy is like having his penis cut off...
But this term doesn't apply to John Wayne Bobbit .
Jadi lelaki, kalau kau bukan John Bobbit, jangan give up sebab err sebab...
Ah shit go and see for yourself.
But this term doesn't apply to John Wayne Bobbit .
Jadi lelaki, kalau kau bukan John Bobbit, jangan give up sebab err sebab...
Ah shit go and see for yourself.
Saturday, 12 December 2009
Excuse me?
Aku selalu fikir that life is just another temporary phase to the real life. Yes I getting into the spiritual part and no I am not a freethinker, yet.
Aku selalu fikir, kalau kita buat benda yang tak betul dalam dunia ini, apa kita akan jawab bila tuhan tanya?
Kalau kau tidur dengan anak orang, make a girl pregnant, curi duit and stuff, what are you going to answer?
Kemudian aku sedar... This might work and very easy too.
Cuma kata: "I'm sorry" dengan gaya Amir budak Raja Lawak tu.
Dia akan panah aku dengan petir pasal ni.
Aku selalu fikir, kalau kita buat benda yang tak betul dalam dunia ini, apa kita akan jawab bila tuhan tanya?
Kalau kau tidur dengan anak orang, make a girl pregnant, curi duit and stuff, what are you going to answer?
Kemudian aku sedar... This might work and very easy too.
Cuma kata: "I'm sorry" dengan gaya Amir budak Raja Lawak tu.
Dia akan panah aku dengan petir pasal ni.
Friday, 11 December 2009
Reason for reasons...
Do we need reasons to live or just reason?
If we need a reason to live or reasons to live, surely we would need reason or reasons for reason or reasons to live.
Like we need reason or reasons to love?
Or to ditch our emotional dysfunction partner a.k.a soul mate?
Its all about reason or reasons, an infinite cycle of reason and reasons...
I need a reason or a few reasons to fall in love. You might need the same thing or merely the same thing to fall in love, live, ditch you emotional dysfunction girlfriend or boyfriend and so on.
But what if there's no specific reason for something or anything at all?. I love you for no reason. Same goes when I say I miss you. I live for no specific reason but if there is a reason, it would be you.
But it doesn't matter, no one will fall in love with an average neurotic guy who is not in a position to love for he is full of himself.
No I don't have inferiority complex.
Jangan fikir sangat, ini entri sia-sia.
If we need a reason to live or reasons to live, surely we would need reason or reasons for reason or reasons to live.
Like we need reason or reasons to love?
Or to ditch our emotional dysfunction partner a.k.a soul mate?
Its all about reason or reasons, an infinite cycle of reason and reasons...
I need a reason or a few reasons to fall in love. You might need the same thing or merely the same thing to fall in love, live, ditch you emotional dysfunction girlfriend or boyfriend and so on.
But what if there's no specific reason for something or anything at all?. I love you for no reason. Same goes when I say I miss you. I live for no specific reason but if there is a reason, it would be you.
But it doesn't matter, no one will fall in love with an average neurotic guy who is not in a position to love for he is full of himself.
No I don't have inferiority complex.
Jangan fikir sangat, ini entri sia-sia.
Hope
Aku tak minta banyak daripada kehidupan dan tuhan... Mungkin banyak hanya pada tuhan sebab aku tahu dia boleh bagi.
Aku hanya harap satu benda sekarang...
Aku harap duit nuffnang akan cukup untuk aku beli sama ada gitar atau laptop baru sebelum kiamat.
I think I would buy the laptop first sebab kalau tak ada laptop aku akan ada masalah untuk update blog.
Heartbreaking kan?
Aku tau, tak.
Aku hanya harap satu benda sekarang...
Aku harap duit nuffnang akan cukup untuk aku beli sama ada gitar atau laptop baru sebelum kiamat.
I think I would buy the laptop first sebab kalau tak ada laptop aku akan ada masalah untuk update blog.
Heartbreaking kan?
Aku tau, tak.
Its a weakness, like you don't have one?
Aku sedang duduk dengan seorang kawan baru. Bertukar-tukar pandangan tentang konsep hidup, manusia, kematian dan reproduksi. What? I need to know about reproduction from a girl's perspective, extra knowledge.
Kemudian dia kata pada aku:
"Its must be fun and interesting to see colors of life from your eyes".
Aku pandang dia, buat muka sinis,
"Yeah I think so".
Tapi dalam hati aku kata: "What colors of life? I'm fucking color blind".
Its just another weakness? Lelaki yang tak boleh erect lagi teruk daripada color blind kan?
Kemudian dia kata pada aku:
"Its must be fun and interesting to see colors of life from your eyes".
Aku pandang dia, buat muka sinis,
"Yeah I think so".
Tapi dalam hati aku kata: "What colors of life? I'm fucking color blind".
Its just another weakness? Lelaki yang tak boleh erect lagi teruk daripada color blind kan?
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Exploring the past
I think she is still here, right here in me...
Aku ingat setiap gesture yang dia buat sebelum dia pergi, her laugh, her smile, her words, everything about her.
I miss her, everything about her...
Aku ingat setiap gesture yang dia buat sebelum dia pergi, her laugh, her smile, her words, everything about her.
I miss her, everything about her...
I found the light
I have a job now... Decent job kata mat salleh with a vass title too, "Mr Manager".
Selepas seminggu berkerja aku tak pasti, sama ada masalah itu is on my side or the work. Maybe the title and the responsibilities that I have to carry is too heavy, my head can't stand heavy stuff. Maybe...
Thing is I can do it but I think its just not the right job for me. Mungkin aku tak macam orang lain yang normal. Normal boleh kerja 8 jam sehari dan ulang rutin yang sama esok.
Dalam masa tiga tahun selapas aku tinggalkan sekolah aku ada buat beberapa kerja, I can say that I prefer to work freelance. Freelance teacher, freelance guitarist, freelance writer. This 8 hours 10 am to 6 pm job doesn't seem to work for me.
Aku rasa semak dalam kepala...
So I asked the boss to find a new manager and I'm going to stick to my freelance job.
Maybe that's why I can't be a fulltime boyfriend. Freelance boyfriend anyone?
Selepas seminggu berkerja aku tak pasti, sama ada masalah itu is on my side or the work. Maybe the title and the responsibilities that I have to carry is too heavy, my head can't stand heavy stuff. Maybe...
Thing is I can do it but I think its just not the right job for me. Mungkin aku tak macam orang lain yang normal. Normal boleh kerja 8 jam sehari dan ulang rutin yang sama esok.
Dalam masa tiga tahun selapas aku tinggalkan sekolah aku ada buat beberapa kerja, I can say that I prefer to work freelance. Freelance teacher, freelance guitarist, freelance writer. This 8 hours 10 am to 6 pm job doesn't seem to work for me.
Aku rasa semak dalam kepala...
So I asked the boss to find a new manager and I'm going to stick to my freelance job.
Maybe that's why I can't be a fulltime boyfriend. Freelance boyfriend anyone?
Wednesday, 9 December 2009
Here's the answer
Aku pernah tanya, kenapa perempuan cantik dan comel yang tahu she deserves better boleh tahan dengan lelaki berperangai babi?
Sekarang aku faham, you don't really love the guy, kau hanya sayang tempoh 1, 2 atau 3 tahun yang kau spent dengan lelaki itu....
My advise, perempuan yang suka call aku dan mengadu lelaki dia buat perangai babi, just leave the asshole, its hard I know but trust me things are going to be more complicated if you don't let yourself out now.
I know the old bitch, Karma will come and get me for this.
Until then, I work for Karma.
Sekarang aku faham, you don't really love the guy, kau hanya sayang tempoh 1, 2 atau 3 tahun yang kau spent dengan lelaki itu....
My advise, perempuan yang suka call aku dan mengadu lelaki dia buat perangai babi, just leave the asshole, its hard I know but trust me things are going to be more complicated if you don't let yourself out now.
I know the old bitch, Karma will come and get me for this.
Until then, I work for Karma.
Monday, 7 December 2009
Masalah dunia
Kurang stabil untuk menulis... Ada masalah dalam dunia sendiri untuk diselesaikan. I'll be back soon to mess up your life. Itu pun kalau ada orang baca.
Friday, 4 December 2009
Biggest frustration of the year...
It's like the end of everything to me... Life, love, all the fun I had in life. It's all over, over and over.
Aku tak boleh terima semua ini, this is too much for me. I can't live like this, this state of frustration is killing me.
For once, aku rasa semuanya tenang dan akhirnya aku akan berada in this peace state tanpa apa-apa gangguan emosi juga mental.
Why?
Kenapa benda ini perlu terjadi pada aku? I mean life is so damn cruel.
Life can't be a good friend for it is cruel and unfair, It can't be one's enemy to for one will need life to live.
Jadi pilihan apa aku ada bila hati aku hancur begini?
Pilihan apa aku ada bila melihat...
Jaket kulit aku yang aku sayang terkena cat?
I don't mind being rejected by girls, tapi tidak kalau apa-apa terjadi kepada jaket kulit aku.
What? Its fucking heartbreaking okay.
Aku tak boleh terima semua ini, this is too much for me. I can't live like this, this state of frustration is killing me.
For once, aku rasa semuanya tenang dan akhirnya aku akan berada in this peace state tanpa apa-apa gangguan emosi juga mental.
Why?
Kenapa benda ini perlu terjadi pada aku? I mean life is so damn cruel.
Life can't be a good friend for it is cruel and unfair, It can't be one's enemy to for one will need life to live.
Jadi pilihan apa aku ada bila hati aku hancur begini?
Pilihan apa aku ada bila melihat...
Jaket kulit aku yang aku sayang terkena cat?
I don't mind being rejected by girls, tapi tidak kalau apa-apa terjadi kepada jaket kulit aku.
What? Its fucking heartbreaking okay.
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Hampir Metamorphosis
Kucing-kucing dalam rumah aku tak senang duduk, its raining and they are all over the house.
One thing yang aku tak suka pasal kucing, bila dia garu badan sendiri. Their fur scatters all over the house. Jadi what I always do, I will chase all of them out of the house sambil kata.
"Garu dekat luar"
Aku rasa kucing tu semua pandang aku dan cakap sesama sendiri dengan gaya hippies.
"Duuude this guy is looney"
Yeah aku ada beberapa ekor kucing hippies yang kadang-kadang hisap weed dalam sangkar. Aku tak tahu siapa pushernya.
Tapi tadi, aku duduk dalam bilik dan tengok ke dalam cermin.
"Damn janggut dah panjang" pada masa yang sama aku tergaru-garu bawah dagu aku sebab gatal. Janggut panjang sangat and need a trim.
Mungkin ini perasaan menjadi seekor kucing?
One thing yang aku tak suka pasal kucing, bila dia garu badan sendiri. Their fur scatters all over the house. Jadi what I always do, I will chase all of them out of the house sambil kata.
"Garu dekat luar"
Aku rasa kucing tu semua pandang aku dan cakap sesama sendiri dengan gaya hippies.
"Duuude this guy is looney"
Yeah aku ada beberapa ekor kucing hippies yang kadang-kadang hisap weed dalam sangkar. Aku tak tahu siapa pushernya.
Tapi tadi, aku duduk dalam bilik dan tengok ke dalam cermin.
"Damn janggut dah panjang" pada masa yang sama aku tergaru-garu bawah dagu aku sebab gatal. Janggut panjang sangat and need a trim.
Mungkin ini perasaan menjadi seekor kucing?
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
Mein Kampf...
And the world stood still, tak kira kemana aku berjalan. Dari pagi sampai malam, aku kerja, aku duduk di depan laptop dan menaip entri-entri sampah.
Memory itu seperti kasut yang aku pakai hari-hari or shall I say everything that I wear on me. Benda itu akan ikut aku kemana-mana aku pergi, dia akan ikut aku kemana sahaja aku pergi.
I'm ready to let her go but she wont go away or is it just me?
The old man Nietzsche said:
"The existence of forgetting has never been proved: We only know that some things don't come to mind when we want them".
Yeah we also know that some things come to mind when we don't want them.
So I'm fighting, to get out from all these mess.
Let's hope that I'll make it this time.
Memory itu seperti kasut yang aku pakai hari-hari or shall I say everything that I wear on me. Benda itu akan ikut aku kemana-mana aku pergi, dia akan ikut aku kemana sahaja aku pergi.
I'm ready to let her go but she wont go away or is it just me?
The old man Nietzsche said:
"The existence of forgetting has never been proved: We only know that some things don't come to mind when we want them".
Yeah we also know that some things come to mind when we don't want them.
So I'm fighting, to get out from all these mess.
Let's hope that I'll make it this time.
Blogwalking itu syaitan sedikit pada aku...
Aku dah mula blog walking/hopping or whatever the hell you people call it.
I know I shouldn't do this sebab aku tahu aku akan jumpa benda-benda yang aku tak mahu jumpa yang akan buat aku neurotic at a very critical stage but what the hell, I need something to read.
Dah beberapa minggu aku tolak ketepi semua buku-buku aku, tiada falsafah dan kitab-kitab sufi. Aku cuma fikir dan tulis semua berkaitan dengan hidup aku.
So I went through some blogs, read, speed read and not read at all.
Ada blog yang aku buka, aku rasa menarik dan aku tinggalkan message in the chatbox.
"Hye nice place..."
Aku tahu aku nak tambah ayat yang di atas. Tapi aku cuba tahan diri, relax, tarik nafas dalam-dalam...
Ah tak boleh, kena tulis juga.
"You are cute".
Nampak bagaimana blog walkin itu syaitan sedikit?
Oh and you know who you are blog owner or blog owners? It's the second one I guess.
I know I shouldn't do this sebab aku tahu aku akan jumpa benda-benda yang aku tak mahu jumpa yang akan buat aku neurotic at a very critical stage but what the hell, I need something to read.
Dah beberapa minggu aku tolak ketepi semua buku-buku aku, tiada falsafah dan kitab-kitab sufi. Aku cuma fikir dan tulis semua berkaitan dengan hidup aku.
So I went through some blogs, read, speed read and not read at all.
Ada blog yang aku buka, aku rasa menarik dan aku tinggalkan message in the chatbox.
"Hye nice place..."
Aku tahu aku nak tambah ayat yang di atas. Tapi aku cuba tahan diri, relax, tarik nafas dalam-dalam...
Ah tak boleh, kena tulis juga.
"You are cute".
Nampak bagaimana blog walkin itu syaitan sedikit?
Oh and you know who you are blog owner or blog owners? It's the second one I guess.
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Pseudo?
I have a new freaking expensive guitar. Tapi bukan aku punya, a friend of mine asked me to try it out for a few days. Mungkin aku akan pulangkan esok, its bloody expensive and I don't really like Taylor. Not yet.
Aku bawa gitar itu keluar ke taman. Duduk seorang, I mean berdua dengan guitar itu. A very good substitute for a girlfriend guitar is, but the way you play it is different. No, aku tak maksudkan yang itu.
Aku tenang, macam dalam dunia yang aku mahu, Utopia.
Not for long, ada tiga orang budak dengan gitar masing-masing datang dan kata:
"Bang boleh join sekali?"
Aku jawab: "Can't a living man have at least a moment of peace in his life?" tapi dalam hati. Aku baik jadi aku kata:
"Yeah join la".
Aku terus petik chord-chord minor dan diamkan diri. Budak kedua bersuara:
"Jom jamm sekali bang, abang main apa? XPDC? Wings? BPR layan tak?"
Aku dengan muka stoic tak ada perasaan kata:
"Sorry la dik, abang baru tiga minggu belajar main gitar, tak tau sangat benda-benda ni"
"Takpe bang kiteorang boleh ajar, senang je".
Aku diamkan diri and played Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton sambil menyanyi dalam hati. Oh of course sambil melihat tiga orang budak dihadapan aku dalam enigma.
Yeah you don't have to say it I know...
Aku bawa gitar itu keluar ke taman. Duduk seorang, I mean berdua dengan guitar itu. A very good substitute for a girlfriend guitar is, but the way you play it is different. No, aku tak maksudkan yang itu.
Aku tenang, macam dalam dunia yang aku mahu, Utopia.
Not for long, ada tiga orang budak dengan gitar masing-masing datang dan kata:
"Bang boleh join sekali?"
Aku jawab: "Can't a living man have at least a moment of peace in his life?" tapi dalam hati. Aku baik jadi aku kata:
"Yeah join la".
Aku terus petik chord-chord minor dan diamkan diri. Budak kedua bersuara:
"Jom jamm sekali bang, abang main apa? XPDC? Wings? BPR layan tak?"
Aku dengan muka stoic tak ada perasaan kata:
"Sorry la dik, abang baru tiga minggu belajar main gitar, tak tau sangat benda-benda ni"
"Takpe bang kiteorang boleh ajar, senang je".
Aku diamkan diri and played Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton sambil menyanyi dalam hati. Oh of course sambil melihat tiga orang budak dihadapan aku dalam enigma.
Yeah you don't have to say it I know...
God is not a girl, I am
Today, I feel kinda strange. Rasa seperti aku bukan diri aku yang sebenar...
Extra cranky, PMS maybe, not forgetting I curse a lot.
Running two fucking places at a time is not an easy task. Its like, its like finally aku akan gunakan senapang Chekhov untuk tembak kepala aku berkali-kali dan tak mati.
Life is not easy when you jump into something new, remember jump, not walk into it slowly. This is what happens if you think you are some fucking superguy.
Bukan aku yang cakap, seorang budak perempuan yang kata macam tu.
I need a fucking curse proof girlfriend.
Extra cranky, PMS maybe, not forgetting I curse a lot.
Running two fucking places at a time is not an easy task. Its like, its like finally aku akan gunakan senapang Chekhov untuk tembak kepala aku berkali-kali dan tak mati.
Life is not easy when you jump into something new, remember jump, not walk into it slowly. This is what happens if you think you are some fucking superguy.
Bukan aku yang cakap, seorang budak perempuan yang kata macam tu.
I need a fucking curse proof girlfriend.
Genocide Jiwa...
Aku dah bakar semua lagu yang aku dah buat (atau cuba buat) sejak dua atau tiga tahun lepas.
Lepas blog, aku bakar lagu, lepas ini mungkin semua bekas teman wanita.
I'm fucking serious you know.
Okay, just kidding.
Lepas blog, aku bakar lagu, lepas ini mungkin semua bekas teman wanita.
I'm fucking serious you know.
Okay, just kidding.
Question
Perempuan: "Kenapa you tak tulis benda-benda yang common, macam masalah remaja, benda-benda cyber?"
Aku: "Sebab benda common orang commonly tulis, what's the fun tulis benda yang orang dah tulis? Macam guna underwear yang orang lain dah guna, that's to me".
What? Logic juga kan?
Aku: "Sebab benda common orang commonly tulis, what's the fun tulis benda yang orang dah tulis? Macam guna underwear yang orang lain dah guna, that's to me".
What? Logic juga kan?
I can be a little neurotic. Okay, not a little...
Masa tu Hari Raya, last September right? Aku dah tak ingat.
It was the usual Hari Raya I guess, attended a few open houses, you know did all the usual things.
Aku pergi ke rumah seorang kawan, kawan lama, kawan berpesta sama-sama. Kawan main gitar dengan bunyi distortion maximum, tak ada kompromi itu perlu. Tak kira kalau aku main keroncong pun, dengan dia, distortion tetap maksimum.
Sampai di rumah dia. Pelik budak dengan rambut panjang, pakai baju sendat dan skinny jeans tiba-tiba jadi lelaki Melayu dan pakai baju Melayu. Strange sight untuk aku, mungkin sebab tahun ini parents teman wanita dia datang. Hipokrasi maksimum, tapi tak apa nanti dia jadi Melayu betul lah tu.
Aku masuk, dia sambut dan terus kenalkan aku dengan orang sekeliling. Tiba-tiba sampai giliran seorang perempuan. It was his cousin, quite hot ehem I mean pretty. Sebelah perempuan itu ada mak dia, a woman around her 40's mungkin belum menopause, aku tak tahu, tak tanya.
"Aunty this is my friend Zul... We go a long way back together"
Yeah, aku tolong pikul kau setiap kali kau wasted dan tak kenal dunia. Masa tu kau dekat bulan. Itu cerita dia.
So I said "Hai", dan salam perempuan in her 40's dan mungkin belum menopause itu. Aku pandang anak dia dan hulurkan tangan untuk salam.
Tiba-tiba perempuan in her 40's itu tepis tangan anak dia dan salam aku sekali lagi. Kali pertama aku tak kisah, I mean maybe dia tak puas salam sekejap sangat tadi.
Lepas salam tangan perempuan itu aku hulurkan sekali lagi untuk salam cousin kawan aku. One more time the mother just shook my hand. Okay got the message she doesn't want a guy (like me) to touch her hot, I mean pretty daughter.
Jadi aku kata:
"Okay, Its a good thing aunty tak bagi saya salam anak aunty, masa dekat rumah tadi saya dah ready sapu minyak dagu atas tapak tangan saya. Aunty salam saya tiga kali, let's see what happen tonight".
Perempuan in her 40's yang mungkin belum menopause itu pandang aku, dia hampir telan aku mungkin. Tapi kawan aku tarik his aunty and show her the food. Nampak sangat dia suka makan.
It was a joke, nak marah sangat buat apa kan? But her daughter was damn hot, I mean pretty.
It was the usual Hari Raya I guess, attended a few open houses, you know did all the usual things.
Aku pergi ke rumah seorang kawan, kawan lama, kawan berpesta sama-sama. Kawan main gitar dengan bunyi distortion maximum, tak ada kompromi itu perlu. Tak kira kalau aku main keroncong pun, dengan dia, distortion tetap maksimum.
Sampai di rumah dia. Pelik budak dengan rambut panjang, pakai baju sendat dan skinny jeans tiba-tiba jadi lelaki Melayu dan pakai baju Melayu. Strange sight untuk aku, mungkin sebab tahun ini parents teman wanita dia datang. Hipokrasi maksimum, tapi tak apa nanti dia jadi Melayu betul lah tu.
Aku masuk, dia sambut dan terus kenalkan aku dengan orang sekeliling. Tiba-tiba sampai giliran seorang perempuan. It was his cousin, quite hot ehem I mean pretty. Sebelah perempuan itu ada mak dia, a woman around her 40's mungkin belum menopause, aku tak tahu, tak tanya.
"Aunty this is my friend Zul... We go a long way back together"
Yeah, aku tolong pikul kau setiap kali kau wasted dan tak kenal dunia. Masa tu kau dekat bulan. Itu cerita dia.
So I said "Hai", dan salam perempuan in her 40's dan mungkin belum menopause itu. Aku pandang anak dia dan hulurkan tangan untuk salam.
Tiba-tiba perempuan in her 40's itu tepis tangan anak dia dan salam aku sekali lagi. Kali pertama aku tak kisah, I mean maybe dia tak puas salam sekejap sangat tadi.
Lepas salam tangan perempuan itu aku hulurkan sekali lagi untuk salam cousin kawan aku. One more time the mother just shook my hand. Okay got the message she doesn't want a guy (like me) to touch her hot, I mean pretty daughter.
Jadi aku kata:
"Okay, Its a good thing aunty tak bagi saya salam anak aunty, masa dekat rumah tadi saya dah ready sapu minyak dagu atas tapak tangan saya. Aunty salam saya tiga kali, let's see what happen tonight".
Perempuan in her 40's yang mungkin belum menopause itu pandang aku, dia hampir telan aku mungkin. Tapi kawan aku tarik his aunty and show her the food. Nampak sangat dia suka makan.
It was a joke, nak marah sangat buat apa kan? But her daughter was damn hot, I mean pretty.
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